   Financial Abuse
by Kathleen Howe
4/20/08
It's very important for
those experiencing domestic violence, mental, verbal, physical or sexual abuse in an abusive marriage or live-in relationship
to realize that they are totally vulnerable to being abused financially as well. As I write about this topic, please be sure
I am thoroughly experienced as the "victim" of financial abuse and never knew it throughout my many years of living in domestic
violence.
Those experiencing abuse in the marriage or
live-in relationship are prone to many disadvantages that they are most likely not aware of. Their total mindset is involved
in "getting through their day," moment by moment, hour by hour and actually minute by minute. Not only is their mind consumed
with the many possibilities that might occur due to their own actions or verbal statements to an abusive spouse; but they
are so mentally consumed with anxiety, depression and most likely any other number of anxiety disorders that they can't be
watchful of important information such as their own financial status.
I dealt with several types of financial abuse
throughout my three abusive marriages and it's an important part of my recovery that I understand what happened then and how
I need to prevent any of these incidents from happening to me again in the future. Although I have managed to learn many things
concerning abusive relationships and the abuser - I believe it's important for me to relay that my parents never raised me
to be financially independent; therefore I was at a disadvantage from the start.
Although I grew up in an
upper middle class family, who really wasn't "in need" of anything - my parents never made it abundantly clear that everything
we had wasn't acquired through magic. Perhaps today's child is more aware than we, the baby boomer generation, was of struggling
to make a living - but I certainly was never taught that there were bills that needed to be paid. Whenever I wanted or needed
something I asked for it and it was provided. I wasn't a spoiled child, thank goodness, but I was used to living at a certain
standard. I didn't "need or want" many things, so there weren't ANY arguments, debates or
restrictions concerning what I asked for. I believed that it was like this in everyone's family.
My parents never informed us concerning the importance of saving money
for a "rainy day" or even saving money for something we may want to buy on our own. We never received an allowance, for all
chores were simply expected as being a part of the family and contributing to the household. While both of my parents worked,
it was a well established fact that my mother worked because she wanted to have a "career" and the fact that she also hated
staying home all day as a "housewife and mother." Staying home bored her to death!
My father on the other hand was a submissive kind of guy when it came
to the money, as far as I know anyway. My mother handled all the bills and the money in the family. She made the purchases,
bought the groceries and our clothes. She furnished the house, but seemed to be as frugal as possible using her sewing skills
whenever she thought that she could save money. In my early childhood years when I suppose money was tighter for them;
my mother sewed all of our clothes.
When it came time for me to get a job when I was fifteen or sixteen, I
wasn't ever asked to contribute to the family fund, or asked to save money for a car or college - it was just assumed I would
spend the money on whatever I wanted to. I often paid my long distance phone bill because my boyfriend was in an out of state
college. Other than that, I spent my money on my entertainment, food I wanted to eat or just incidentals at the drug store
such as shampoos, lotions and makeup.
Just before my high school graduation, I asked my father to help me with
my college applications especially to understand what financial aid was and he laughed at me - humiliating me terribly - telling
me that he wouldn't help me go to college. He told me to go find a man to marry and have kids with because that's what women
were meant to do. And so I did.
I found this guy as quickly as possible and set a date within six months time to get married.
My mother laughed and informed him, "You will never be able to
support Kathleen in the manner to which she has become accustomed to."
From the beginning of our marriage
I had no idea how much money we needed or how much money we had. If I needed some money I would ask for it and he would give
it to me, if he was in a good mood. Then as time went by, a few months, I needed money to go home to my mother because he
was being abusive with me. I didn't have any. So I got a job. I got a job, but really didn't have any skills to speak of besides
typing. I could only type about 40 WPM. I got a job at Gucci in Palm Beach working in the office. I learned to work the telex
machine. It was there that I met my first real friend.
I truly don't remember what I did with my money back then. I do know that
I was out partying and drinking and dancing though so I know I spent some of my money on that. I bought groceries as well,
but we only had a small apartment size refrigerator and no oven, besides a toaster oven, so we didn't need much food to keep
at the apartment. I lived one block from the ocean in Palm Beach and we had a great time except for when I was with my husband.
His friends treated me better than he did.
My husband was a teaching golf pro and he was parking cars at the Royal
Poinciana Playhouse with some other golf pros. He had been promised a job in the season, summer months, up in Burlington,
Vermont so we would be traveling up there to live in the spring. Things went okay, but still, I had no real concept of what
kind of money needs I had or what I would do if anything happened to my husband. We were just going to the beach on the weekends
during the day, dancing and drinking at night and playfully working at Gucci during the week days.
Long story short - I remained a stay at home mom after getting
pregnant that spring. I did have a part-time job at the bank as a teller in Burlington and I had a part time job as a waitress
and as a ticket seller at Jai A'Lai, but I never had any real job and no means to acquire one when the time came for me to
file for divorce after 8 years of marriage. So I basically was left out in the cold and went through some of the most traumatic
experiences you can go through in a divorce - your husband takes your children and won't let you back into the house.
I ended up getting a waitress job. I didn't know how to manage money or
take care of myself and my kids really. So I made plenty of money, but I didn't know how to pay bills and get responsible.
I was used to buying whatever I wanted, so I kept it up. Before long I would come home to the water shut off or the electricity
shut off and before long the mortgage was long overdue and they were kicking me out of my home. But... a big but here... I
had met another man. He was a cop and he wanted to take care of me. Easy enough, eh?
So I moved in with him and shortly we were married. It was the worst move
of my entire life. Cops are totally control freaks for the most part. I'm still trying to give them some kind of credit, but
I've not met that really nice cop yet. It wasn't long before I was pregnant and I began to see the control and power plays
coming into play. I was working though. I still didn't understand about paying bills and when he insisted I take over that
chore, I failed miserably.
Listen up here ladies and gentlemen~ sometime my husband decided to open
his own private bank accounts that I knew nothing about. This section is about financial abuse so I want to stick to
that part of it, although there are many points to be made about being aware of abusive people in this story. I started handing
over my tips and paychecks to him so he could pay the bills. I didn't know what he was doing with the money though. This is
a type of financial abuse. He was saving up for when he would decide to leave me for a younger wife.
When the time came for him to move out - he did. It was then that I received
the bank statement from the account I didn't know about. He wouldn't give me any money either. One other point - very important
- he had told me to reliquish my child support for my two girls who weren't his because he wanted us to move out of state
and he knew it may be the only way my ex-husband wouldn't fight it. So I did.
Never relinquish child support for any reason. I needed that money when
he left me and the kids and I didn't have it. This in iteself is another form of financial abuse. When you have money coming
for your children and your husband is feeling he has no control over that money - if he is an abusive spouse - that will bother
him. He will begin to complain about that money being in your hands. Money is power.
All during this marriage
my husband had controlled me through the belief that we didn't have enough money to live on. He continually made me feel guilty
for making mistakes when I was paying the bills in the first year of our marriage. He had made me feel so bad about not having
enough money that I wouldn't even buy myself the most basic needs, like tampons or sanitary napkins and made myself some rags
I folded and used to wash out and use over and over.
My kids needs went before
anything I needed but still I didn't dare buy them clothes or anything else they needed without his permission and his handing
me the money. He would only allow me $50.00 a week for groceries and I had to bring him the receipt and the change even if
it was pennies.
He began to time me when it came time to go to the grocery store. I was
under his thumb in every aspect of my life with him even telling me that if I lost 10 more pounds he would love me more. Little
did I know he was already having sex with other women after work, while he was working and on his days off. I never questioned
him as to where he was going or what he was doing.
In the end of our marriage the problems with not having enough money caused
me to send my two girls to live with their father on a temporary basis until I could get myself re-settled. Nice concept,
but it never happened that way. My oldest daughter ended up being kicked out of her father's house in her junior year of high
school without my knowledge because her step mother couldn't get along with her. My next oldest daughter also had life threatening
problems in her teen years, but she did return to live with me eventually.
Marriage #3 was another instance of financial abuse. My husband didn't
work because he was on worker's compensation from his job after getting hurt.
I'll continue this column soon!~
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Financial Abuse
Elder financial
abuse spans a broad spectrum of conduct, including:
- Taking money or property
- Forging an older person's
signature
- Getting an older person to sign
a deed, will, or power of attorney through deception, coercion, or undue influence
- Using the older person's property
or possessions without permission
- Promising lifelong care in
exchange for money or property & not following through on the promise
- Confidence crimes ("cons") are the use of deception to gain victims' confidence
- Scams are fraudulent or deceptive
acts
- Fraud is the use of deception,
trickery, false pretense or dishonest acts or statements for financial gain
- Telemarketing scams. Perpetrators
call victims & use deception, scare tactics, or exaggerated claims to get them to send money. They may also make charges
against victims' credit cards without authorization
Who are the perpetrators?
Family members, including
sons, daughters, grandchildren, or spouses.
They may:
- Have substance abuse, gambling, or financial problems
- Stand to inherit & feel justified in taking what they believe
is "almost" or "rightfully" theirs
- Fear that their older family member will get sick & use
up their savings, depriving the abuser of an inheritance
- Have had a negative relationship with the older person &
feel a sense of "entitlement"
- Have negative feelings toward siblings or other family members
whom they want to prevent from acquiring or inheriting the older person's assets
Predatory individuals who
seek out vulnerable seniors with the intent of exploiting them.
They may:
- Profess to love the older person ("sweetheart
scams")
- Seek employment as personal care attendants, counselors, etc.
to gain access
- Identify vulnerable persons by driving through neighborhoods
(to find persons who are alone & isolated) or contact recently widowed
persons they find through newspaper death announcements
- Move from community to community to avoid being apprehended
(transient criminals)
Unscrupulous professionals or businesspersons,
or persons posing as such. They may:
- Overcharge for services or products
- Use deceptive or unfair business practices
- Use their positions of trust or respect to gain compliance
Who is at risk?
The following conditions or factors
increase an older person's risk of being victimized:
- Isolation
- Loneliness
- Recent losses
- Physical or mental disabilities
- Lack of familiarity with financial matters
- Have family members who are unemployed and/or have substance
abusers problems
Why are the elderly attractive
targets?
- Persons over the age of 50 control over 70% of the nation's
wealth
- Many seniors do not realize the value of their assets (particularly homes that have appreciated markedly)
- The elderly are likely to have disabilities that make them
dependent on others for help. These "helpers" may have access to homes and assets & may exercise significant influence
over the older person
- They may have predictable patterns (e.g.
because older people are likely to receive monthly checks, abusers can predict when an older people will have money on hand or need to go to the bank)
- Severely impaired individuals are also less likely to take
action against their abusers as a result of illness or embarrassment
- Abusers may assume that frail victims will not survive long enough to follow through on legal interventions, or that they'll not
make convincing witnesses
- Some older people are unsophisticated about financial matters
- Advances in technology have made managing finances more complicated
What are the indicators?
Indicators are signs or clues
that abuse has occurred. Some of the indicators listed below can be explained by other causes
or factors and no single indicator can be taken as conclusive proof. Rather, one should look for patterns or clusters of indicators
that suggest a problem.
- Unpaid bills, eviction notices, or notices to discontinue utilities
- Withdrawals from bank accounts or transfers between accounts
that the older person can't explain
- Bank statements & canceled checks no longer come to the
elder's home
- New "best friends"
- Legal documents, such as powers of attorney, which the older
person didn't understand at the time he or she signed them
- Unusual activity in the older person's bank accounts including
large, unexplained withdrawals, frequent transfers between accounts, or ATM withdrawals
- The care of the elder isn't commensurate with the size of his/her
estate
- A caregiver expresses excessive interest in the amount of money
being spent on the older person
- Belongings or property are missing
- Suspicious signatures on checks or other documents
- Absence of documentation about financial arrangements
- Implausible explanations given about the elderly person's finances
by the elder or the caregiver
- The elder is unaware of or doesn't understand financial arrangements
that have been made for him or her
How can I learn more?
Nerenberg, L. (1999). Forgotten victims of elder financial
crime and abuse: A report and recommendations. Produced by the Goldman Institute on Aging for the National Center on Aging
(NCEA), this report summarized four roundtable discussions sponsored by NCEA, which focused on four components of the legal
system: the state and criminal justice system, federal investigative and regulatory agencies, the civil legal system, and
the victim witness assistance network. Professionals from each system described challenges they face in handling financial
abuse cases and made recommendations for improving each system's response. To view, click here to download it from the NCEA web site.
Volume 12 Number 2 (2000) of the Journal of Elder Abuse &
Neglect is devoted to elder financial abuse. For more information about JEAN and a listing of articles in the issue,
click here.
A/PACT: Aging Parents and Children Together. Produced by the
American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) and the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), this consumer education series includes
10 1-3 page articles focusing on consumer fraud, daily money management, alternatives to guardianship, etc. Contact the AARP for more information.
source site: click here
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Resources for more information:
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