  Bullying, school violence: need for culture change
Violence in schools often
has its roots in bullying, and recent research suggests that attempts to uproot the problem
may first involve gathering information about bullying and victimization, and then undertaking
a "whole-school" intervention to address the issue.
Most media reports pointed
to a link between bullying and the extreme school violence events such as Virginia Tech
or Columbine that the perpetrator was bullied as a child or teen. Take for example Seung
Hui Cho of Virginia Tech and Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris of Columbine.
Seung Hui Cho was a socially
awkward young man who was mocked throughout high school for his shyness and for the strange way he spoke. A 2002 study conducted
by the U.S. Secret Service and the U.S. Department of Education regarding 37 incidents of targeted school shootings and school
attacks that occurred in the United States from 1974 to 2000 -, including the 1999 Columbine murders - determined that 71%
of the shooters felt bullied, persecuted, or injured by others before the attack (www.secretservice.gov/
ntac/ssi_final_report.pdf).
That the majority of youth
involved in school shootings have been bullied certainly does not mean that bullying in
and of itself causes school violence, but it does drive home the fact that bullying and
victimization are important risk factors for dangerous behavior that cannot be ignored, according to Dr. Tarshis, director
of the Bay Area Children's Association in Cupertino, Calif. It also highlights the fact that, as much as we know about bullying and its adverse effects, there are many questions we still can't answer, he said.
"We know from longitudinal
studies that higher levels of bullying and 'victimization are associated with poorer mental
health outcomes, but it's impossible to quantify what amount of bullying leads to some of
the negative sequelae that have been observed," Dr. Tarshis said in an interview.
"So, while we know, for instance,
that children who score highest on victim and bully scales are most likely to have worse scores on clinical measures of anxiety
and depression, we can't say something like, '6 months of consistent teasing is 70% likely to cause a clinical diagnosis of
depression.'"
There are a number of reasons
for this. "One factor is that some children are much more resilient to traumatic events than others. Thus, a resilient child
may be able to tolerate high levels of bullying without any negative consequences, while
a child who is not as resilient may have poor mental health outcomes with what may seem like minor infractions. This is something
we see in child psychiatric clinics very often," he said.
Another consideration, he
noted, is "the lack of a consistent, valid instrument for measuring bullying and victimization
in children" in order to develop group norms to explain variance.
To address the latter consideration,
Dr. Tarshis, along with Colleague Dr. Lynne C. Huffman of Stanford (Calif.) University, recently developed and tested a simple
questionnaire for use in school settings to gather comprehensive information on bullying and
victimization.
The Peer Interactions in Primary
School (PIPS) questionnaire is a single-page survey consisting of 22 multiple-choice questions about direct bullying (physical violence or threat of harm) or indirect
bullying (social ostracizing, teasing, dirty looks, or
rumor spreading).
With funding from the National
Institutes of Health, the investigators administered the PIPS questionnaire to 270 third-through sixth-grade students in California
and Arizona. According to the results, nearly 90% of the students experienced some degree of victimization by bullies, and almost 60% participated in some form of bullying.
Among those students who reported
being bullied, "most answered 'sometimes' or "a lot" to the seven victimization questions
on the survey, which suggested a fairly high levels of victimization," Dr. Tarshis said.
Subsequent analyses of the
PIPS questionnaire demonstrated high reliability, strong construct and concurrent validity, and high internal consistency
(J. Dev. Behav. Pediatr. 2007;28:125-32).
In addition to being an easy,
useful tool for measuring the extent of bullying behaviors in school settings, the PIPS
questionnaire may be most valuable in the development, implementation, and analysis of anti-bullying
interventions, said Dr. Tarshis.
"Because bullying is so multidimensional - cutting across home, school, and peer relations - it is exceedingly difficult
to arrive at interventions that can document clear benefit in reducing harm," he explained. "PIPS could be used as a validated
pre and post measure for any manualized intervention or school program hoping to decrease
bullying and victimization."
And without question, such
help is desperately needed. Even though bullying has been identified as a pressing public
health issue and a majority of schools nationwide have taken up the cause, there are few indications that such attention is
paying off.
Of more than 300 available
bullying interventions identified in a 2004 review of bullying
and victimization in the United States (Bullying in American
Schools: A Social-Ecological Perspective on Prevention and Intervention. Espelage DL, Swearer SM, eds. Mahwah, N.J.: Lawrence
Erlbaum Associates; 2004), "not 1 meets the full criteria for recommendation as an evidence-based intervention,
and only 6 have been tested against a control group with positive results," Dr. Tarshis said.
Similarly, a review of 26
studies of school-based interventions found that a lot of them had little impact on bullying
outcomes overall (Arch. Pediatr. Adolesc. Med. 2007;161:78-88). "We found that many common
methods of dealing with the problem [of bullying],
such as classroom discussions, role playing, or detention are ineffective," said Dr. Rachel Vreeman of Indiana University,
Indianapolis, the lead author of the study.
The news from the Indiana
study was not all bad, however. "Whole-school interventions involving teachers, administrators, and social workers committed
to culture change did appear to curb bullying somewhat, particularly in the junior and senior
high school-aged kids," Dr. Vreeman said in an interview. (See box.)
Dr. Tarshis said that the
apparent benefit of the "whole-school" approaches over the other intervention methods makes sense. "'Bullying
and victimization must be addressed as a systems issue, making changes in school, peer, and home environments," he said. "And
since we know bullying and victimization begin at very young ages, our best chance for change
is to intervene beginning in kindergarten, with changes in curriculum, staff attitude, and parental education."
For optimal effectiveness,
however, interventions should specifically target "bystander" youths who are neither victims nor bullies,
as well as the victims themselves, he said. "Bystanders should be recognized as a strong force in identifying bullying behavior and making it unacceptable," Dr. Tarshis stated.
Dr. Carl C. Bell, chief executive
officer and president of Community Mental Health Council Inc., Chicago, agreed. He said in an interview, "It takes a certain
social norm to support bullying, and trying to change that norm might result in less trauma
for those of us who get bullied. Toward this end, one strategy that I've seen used with
some success has involved engaging the bystanders in intervention efforts to diminish support for bullying."
Dr. Tarshis added that, with
respect to the victims, "we know from clinical work that, at times, no matter how much we intervene in the school setting
to try to prevent bullying, it's not always successful. In these cases, the best chance
we have is to work with the victimized children to 'tune up" their mental health to prevent continued negative consequences."
Dr. Bell continued, "We know,
for instance, that "catastrophizing" about trauma promotes succumbing to trauma. When someone is traumatized, if their response
is, "Oh my God, I will never survive this trauma unscathed,' they are usually right. In this way, attitudes about the lack
of resilience are a significant driver of how people experience the trauma. By highlighting bullying
as a rather common traumatizing phenomenon, we give permission to catastrophize the experience of being bullied.
"On the other hand, if people
have a sense that there is something they can do to master or cope with the experience of traumatic stress, they will be more
successful in preventing it from sticking to them. It follows that giving victims of severe bullying
a sense of self-efficacy as it relates to the experience of being bullied is a critical
protective factor against certain harmful consequences," said Dr. Bell, who also serves as director of public and community
psychiatry at the University of Illinois at Chicago.
"The importance of developing
protective factors," he said, "is relevant to the bullies as well as the victims. Behind
anger is often hurt. Many bullies hurt people because they themselves have been hurt. Building
up the social fabric that surrounds bullies is a good point of intervention as well, as
it addresses the issue of minimizing trauma in the bullies."
Model Program Is 3-Pronged Approach
Multidisciplinary, whole-school
anti-bullying interventions have been shown to be more effective at curbing bullying and associated behaviors than curriculum-only interventions. One multilevel, multicomponent intervention
that has been associated with reduced bullying behaviors in the classroom is the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program designed
by Dan Olweus, Ph.D., of the University of Bergen (Norway). The program,
which is offered to all public schools in Norway, is being implemented in a growing number of public schools in the United
States.
Recognized by the University
of Colorado's Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence as 1 of 11 "Blueprints for Violence Prevention" and by the U.S.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration as an exemplary program, the Olweus intervention attacks bullying at school-wide, classroom, and individual levels.
In the United States, the
Olweus program is supported by Clemson (S.C.) University (for more information, see www.clemson.edu/olweus).
Schoolwide Interventions
* Administration of an anonymous
bullying questionnaire to all students.
* Formation and meetings of
a bullying prevention coordinating committee.
* Staff training.
* Development of schoolwide
rules against bullying.
* Development of a coordinated
system of supervision during break periods.
Classroom-Level Interventions
* Regular classroom meetings
about bullying and peer relations.
* Meetings of parents of kids
in each class.
Individual-Level Interventions
* Meetings with children who
bully.
* Meetings with children who
are targets of bullying.
* Meetings with the parents
of children involved.
BY DIANA MAHONEY
New England Bureau
COPYRIGHT 2008 International Medical News Group
COPYRIGHT 2008 Gale, Cengage Learning
source site: click here
In Brief: Names will often hurt you
From Harvard Health Publications via MSN Health In Brief Names will often hurt you
The children’s
rhyme denies it, but it may be true. Words are weapons that can cause lasting wounds, especially when wielded by parents against children. The damage is sometimes more serious and lasting than injuries that
result from beatings, say Harvard researchers reporting on a survey of young adults.
More than
500 people aged 18–22 who responded to an advertisement were asked whether their parents had ever yelled
at them, sworn at them, insulted, threatened, or ridiculed them. Among those who reported no physical or sexual abuse, the researchers chose the 10% most often subject to this verbal abuse and compared them with controls.
All the
participants answered a series of questionnaires about symptoms of depression, anxiety, anger, and especially dissociative experiences - split consciousness, out-of-body sensations, a sense of unreality. They were also asked about symptoms typical of temporal
lobe epilepsy, including transient hallucinations and automatic actions, as well as dissociative experiences.
All types
of abuse - sexual, physical, and emotional (including verbal abuse and witnessing domestic violence) - raised the risk of depression, anxiety, dissociation, and epilepsy-like symptoms. Emotional abuse had as great an effect as the other kinds, and verbal abuse was a particularly strong risk factor for dissociative episodes and epilepsy-like symptoms.
The authors
speculate that name-calling and threats cause stress that affects the development of vulnerable brain regions or serve as an unfortunate model for adult communication. The effects can be severe, they suspect, partly because verbal abuse may be more continuous and relentless than sexual or physical abuse.
The symptoms
found in adults subject to childhood verbal abuse could also have genetic roots, as the authors acknowledge. Abuse of
all kinds, including verbal, is more likely when a parent suffers from mental illness, and most psychiatric disorders have a genetic component.
Furthermore,
people with current psychiatric symptoms are more likely than others to report childhood maltreatment, but their memories
are not necessarily reliable or objective. That means the association discovered in the study could be influenced by heredity
and biased recall as well as the abuse itself.
The authors
point out that in surveys, 63% of American parents admit that they have sworn at or insulted a child at some time. The authors note that physical child abuse and witnessing domestic violence are regarded as traumatic experiences that create a risk of post-traumatic stress disorder. The study suggests that when verbal abuse is constant and severe, it too creates that risk - although parents should not be concerned that children will be traumatized by an occasional harsh or angry word.
Teicher MH, et al. “Sticks, Stones, and Hurtful Words: Relative Effects of Various Forms
of Childhood Maltreatment,” American Journal of Psychiatry (June 2006): Vol.
163, No. 6, pp. 993–1000.
What we can do about bullying
Professor Ken Rigby
University of South Australia
Bullying in schools
isn't a new phenomenon, but it's only recently that it's become recognized as a major problem for schools. Fortunately, effective methods have now been developed and are being employed in some schools in Australia
to reduce its incidence and mitigate the effects.
Defining Bullying
We must begin by being clear about what bullying is and what it isn't. It can be usefully defined as repeated oppression,
physical or psychological, of a less
powerful individual by a more powerful individual or group.
It's not the same thing as conflict, violence or disagreement although
it may, of course, involve all these things.
With
bullying there's always a power imbalance which makes the ill-treatment of a victim
possible.
The phenomena of bullying are often described using such terms as harassment, teasing and peer abuse. Bullying is the most general term available to us as it
can include a wide range of hurtful behaviors, encompassing physically injurious actions, such as:
- hitting and kicking
- verbal forms of harassment, such as name-calling
- indirect means of hurting others
Examples
of the latter include:
In schools verbal harassment is the most commonly observed form of
bullying; physical bullying the least. Although boys and girls may engage
in all these behaviors, indirect bullying is more commonly
found among girls; physical bullying among boys.
Increasing awareness of bullying and its effects
Schools are unlikely to adopt useful policies and practices
against bullying unless there's a general recognition first among staff that it can constitute a serious
problem for a substantial minority of students.
We now know that in Australian schools at least 1 child in 6 is bullied by peers on a weekly basis. Among these, some
aren't greatly troubled, but others do become seriously depressed, have few (if any) friends, stay home from school because of
bullying and
may become quite ill because of it.
A person's self-esteem may remain low for a lifetime if bullied continually at school. Sometimes teachers concede that it may be a problem in some schools, but not theirs. (this happens more
times than not, when a child will report to a teacher that a bully is bothering them & the teacher
turns them away, not willing to deal with the situation... kathleen) In such cases a carefully conducted survey is
needed to test student opinion.
Such inquiries invariably show that bullying is prevalent and that some children are being badly harmed. There are now carefully developed and
validated questionnaires available for use with students; i.e., the Peer Relations Questionnaire (Rigby & Slee, 1993,1997, Rigby 1997).
An effective anti-bullying policy
Many schools are now recognizing that a specific anti-bullying policy is needed if a school is to significantly reduce bullying. This is distinct from a general
behavior management plan, although in some respects it may overlap with it.
These elements are commonly included in anti-bullying policies:
(i). A statement of the school policy which is to promote positive interpersonal
relations between members of the school community and specifically
to prevent bullying and harassment at school, which is seen as unacceptable.
The policy must be seen as applying not only between students but as
involving school staff as well. Teachers sometimes bully and may be bullied by, students.
(ii). A clear definition of bullying with examples.
(iii). A description of how the school proposes to deal with
bully / victim problems.
(iv). Encouragement for both students and parents with concerns about bullying to speak with school personnel about them.
The process by which the policy is developed is crucial. It should begin with a program designed to raise awareness among staff of the problem of bullying generally and then seek to discover exactly what's happening in one's own
school.
There are useful videos for raising staff and student awareness and both research and popular literature on the subject. Subsequently, the policy should be developed with the active
cooperation of all the interested parties: teachers, students and parents.
The policy should be widely disseminated
and re-evaluated in the light of subsequent developments.
Links
with the curriculum
Links with the curriculum can strongly reinforce the anti-bullying policy. Content relevant to problems of abuses of power can be included in a variety of subjects including Social Studies, English and History.
Questions focusing upon aspects of interpersonal
behavior such as prejudice, discrimination and violence can be examined; basic skills underlying the
practice of pro-social behavior may be usefully developed.
Staff interaction with students
How staff interact with students has important consequences for
the level of bullying in a school. Teachers may have a significant impact in a number of ways:
(i) By expressing disapproval of bullying whenever it occurs, not only in the classroom but also in the school playground.
(ii) By listening sympathetically to students who need support when they're victimized. Teachers may then initiate or take action, when requested to do so by victimized children, according to procedures approved by the school.
(iii) By encouraging cooperative learning in the class room and by
not setting a bad example by their own dominating or authoritarian behavior.
(iv) By talking with groups of students about bullying & mobilizing student support for action to reduce bullying, for example, by including victimized students in their activities. (Most students are in fact against bullying
and given the chance, can provide not only active support for the school policy but also make positive proposals and undertake constructive
actions to counter bullying).
Roles
undertaken by students
Because students who are victimized are much more likely to seek help from students rather than teachers, there's much to be
said for selecting & helping to train students to provide assistance to peers in need of help.
Roles
may be specially created for interested students to help with problems of peer relations, such
as in:
Such work can have a transforming effect on the school ethos. It also provides students with the
opportunity to experience success in helping relationships.
Normally the lead in such developments will be taken by the School Counselor who would undertake
to provide appropriate training & guidance.
Dealing with cases of bullying
Despite the preventative measures that can be taken in schools, instances of bullying will occur & require a systematic approach in dealing with them.
Each school must devise its preferred method. But here are some suggestions
based upon an examination of the effectiveness of alternative approaches used by schools in Australia
& overseas.
Counseling: It's generally agreed that some form of counseling or discussion
with students involved in bully / victim incidents should occur before
sanctions are even considered.
Depending on the nature & seriousness of the bullying, changes
in relationships between students involved in bullying can often be effected without the use of intensive interrogation
& punishment.
Indeed, because subtle forms of bullying
can often be practiced without detection, it's extremely difficult to control bullying by strictly disciplinary means.
The method of shared concern: One
of the most effective methods of resolving bully / victim problems has been proposed by the Swedish psychologist,
Anatol Pikas (1989).
This method involves preliminary talks, first with students who have engaged in bullying, then w/their victims; subsequently, if more than one person has participated in the bullying
(which is frequently the case), the entire group is brought together for final mediation &
resolution w/the person who has been victimized.
For maximum effectiveness, intensive training by staff in this method is needed, but the principles are clear & can be used to guide interviews
with bullies. It's generally best to see bullies on their own, without their
supporters.
Alone, they're often prepared to share the teacher's or counselor’s expressed concern for the victim & accept some responsibility for the distress that has been reported, more especially if they're shown respect as persons & not interrogated as criminals & severely blamed.
The role of the teacher is largely to elicit suggestions &
concrete proposals from the bully that'll help the situation. The implementation
of the proposals & the outcome for the victim need to be carefully monitored & contact maintained with the bullies until the situation has definitely improved.
In most, if not all cases, the problem can be solved in this way.
The
use of sanctions: Despite
counseling & efforts to encourage the bully to feel concern for the victim & undertake responsible action to improve relationships, the problem may still remain unsolved & the victim needs protecting.
Serious talks with the bully & his or her parents will then be necessary, non-physical sanctions may be imposed & in the most serious cases
suspension, exclusion or expulsion may be justified (see Olweus, 1993).
Support for victimized students
Whilst it's quite unacceptable to blame victims for their plight, there are students who can be encouraged & helped to become more resilient & to develop assertiveness skills in order to reduce the likelihood of being bullied by others.
In some schools, training for such students is being provided in groups & positive results have been reported in terms of decreased vulnerability & enhanced self-esteem (see Rigby & Sharp, 1993).
Finally, although the responsibility of schools is for student behavior at school, it must be appreciated that much bullying occurs when students are
between home & school.
Students can be helped by being informed about Safety Houses in the neighborhood, which they may be able to enter if
seriously threatened. Police officers can be invited to schools to provide this information.
Conclusion: Bullying is presently seen as a serious problem for all schools. We must think not simply & only of directly suppressing bullying but more positively of promoting among
students cooperative & pro-social ways of thinking & behaving.
In this way the school ethos which contains elements that often foster intimidatory behavior can be changed.
The gains are most notable for the well-being of students who are particularly vulnerable to bullying. But all students benefit
in the process of bringing about a happier & more constructive school climate in which every students has
the opportunity to achieve success, socially as well as academically.
The changes that are needed aren't beyond the resources of schools. They do however require concerted attention from members of the school community, both teachers & students.
There are now available abundant resources for those who can lead the way in reducing bullying & improving the quality of life for this generation of students now.
From The Professional Reading Guide for Educational
Administrators, Vol. 17, No. 1
Doing something about bullying
"What bothers me most when we look at ways to stop bullying," writes
Michele Elliott, author of the new book 101 Ways to Deal with
Bullying, "is that increasing numbers of adults
either seem to ignore what's happening or are just plain afraid to help." Childcare workers can't continue to ignore the problem. Below are some helpful tips from this important new book.
What is bullying?
Bullying is the use of aggression with the intention of hurting another person.
It results in pain and distress for the victim, who has in no way provoked
the attack. Usually the bullying is a campaign against a child, but there may
be just one incident.
Bullying can be:
- physical
- verbal
- emotional
- menacing
(see
article above for more details on the above factors)
Signs of Bullying
Often children don't come right out and say that they've been bullied, so all parents need to be aware of the signs. Ask your child if
he or she:
- becomes frightened of walking to or from school or changes the normal route
- doesn't
want to travel on the school bus
- begs
to be driven to school
- is
unwilling to go to school or 'feels ill' every morning
- begins
to bunk school
- begins
to do poorly in schoolwork - comes home with clothes or books destroyed
- has
unexplained scratches or bruises
- comes home starving (bully has taken lunch money or lunch)
- asks
for money or begins to steal
- becomes withdrawn, starts
stammering, shows lack of confidence
- becomes distressed and anxious, stops eating
- becomes aggressive, surly and unreasonable
- attempts or threatens suicide
- cries
in bed at night, has night mares
- refuses
to say what's wrong
- begins to bully siblings or other children
Who are the victims?
Most victims of bullying are sensitive, intelligent and gentle children who have good relationships with their
parents. They don't come from families full of conflict and shouting, so when bullies attack
them, they don't know what to do.
From the bully's viewpoint, they make excellent targets because they're
nice and won't fight back. They might even cry, a bonus for the bully. There
are, however, some children who get
bullied everywhere, at school parties,
activities, clubs. It's as if they invite bullying because
it confirms their low opinion of themselves, that they're worthless and deserve what is happening to them.
What
sort of child bullies?
According to Michele Elliott, children and young
people who frequently bully do seem to share
certain common characteristics.
They often:
There are also bullies who are self-confident, spoiled children who expect, as their right, to get their own way. Some
bullies simply enjoy being
in charge and may obtain status from their position as leader.
Other children may bully once in a while because of some sort of upheaval in their lives, such as problems at home, bereavement
in the family, birth of a baby and so on.
Where is it likely to happen?
Bullying usually takes place out of sight
of the school staff:
- in
the lunch room
- on
the playground
- in
corridors between classes
- on
the way to and from school
What to do if your child is being bullied
Let's talk about
it.' If your child doesn't want to talk immediately, children are often ashamed of being bullied, say that you're there and willing
to listen, night or day, when he or she is ready.
- Try not to overreact,
even if you're furious. It might frighten your child into silence and victims need to talk, not retreat.
- Ask
if he or she has any suggestions about changing the situation.
- Find out how fearful your child is and make sure that he or she feels protected.
- Keep a watchful eye,
because children can become desperate when they're being bullied and may run away or take an overdose, because everything
seems so helpless to them. Take any threats of suicide serious and seek help.
- Praise your child, make
it clear how much you love and support him or her
- Encourage your child to develop a sense of humor and a way of throwing off taunts.
- Try to sort out the bullying as quietly and constructively as possible,
- Contact
a class teacher,
- Try
to give the situation time to change.
- If
there's no improvement, contact the principal or, failing that, the school's governing body.
- If
that doesn't help, contact your local education authority.
- If you feel confident enough, you may contact the bully's parents, but obviously it'll depend
on the family, some people not only bully their own children but threaten anyone who comes near them. It's best to check out the situation carefully before getting involved.
- If
your child has been injured, contact the police.
Is your child
a bully?
Once in a while, a child could lash out and suddenly start bullying.
Sometimes it happens because the child was being bullied himself and could stand it no longer.
Be very careful not to start blaming your child until you have all the facts about why the bullying has started.
Possible reasons why a child may turn into a bully:
- jealousy of a brother or sister or other children
- stress because of school work or exams
- worry about a problem that has cropped up at home, such
as parents fighting or separating, a bereavement, money problems, the death of a pet
- quarreling with
a friend and venting their anger on someone else
- boredom
- frustration due to learning or language difficulties
- having
a bad day, when everything seems to be going wrong
Some children go from incident to incident, from school to school, bullying
and hurting others. These children may eventually end up being excluded from
mainstream education. Many have certain characteristics in common. They may:
Some chronic bullies are children who are overindulged to the point of being worshiped by their parents and expect that everyone should do likewise.
Crack
the code of silence
1. Become 'telling' communities. The principal makes it clear that bullying is unacceptable; that bullies will not
be tolerated. The children have an obligation to tell if they're bullied or witness
bullying.
2. Children must be able to rely on a sympathetic and helpful response if they do tell. In this way, they learn that speaking out
will make things better; keeping quiet will make things worse.
Experience has shown that bullying is less likely
to happen in schools that have a clear policy against it.
very important additional resources....
BULLYING
TIP for dealing with
abusive behavior (this is part of beginning to accept responsibility for your recovery from night eating)
- Refuse to accept such behavior.
- Demand reasonably predictable
and rational actions and reactions.
- Insist on respect for your boundaries, predilections, preferences and priorities.
TIP
Demand a just and proportional treatment. Reject or ignore unjust and capricious behavior.
If you're up to
the inevitable confrontation, react in kind. Let him taste some of his own medicine.
TIP
Never show your abuser that you're afraid of him. Don't negotiate with bullies. They're insatiable. Dont succumb to blackmail.
If things get rough, disengage, involve law enforcement officers, friends and colleagues,
or threaten him (legally). Don't keep your abuse a secret. Secrecy is the abuser's weapon.
Never give him a 2nd
chance. React with your full
arsenal to the 1st transgression.
TIP
Be guarded. Don't be too forthcoming in a first or casual meeting. Gather intelligence.
Be yourself. Don't misrepresent your wishes, boundaries, preferences, priorities and red lines. Don't behave inconsistently. Don't go back on
your word. Be firm and resolute.
TIP
Often the abuser's proxies are unaware of their role.
Expose him. Inform them. Demonstrate to them how they're being abused, misused and plain used by the abuser.
Trap your
abuser. Treat him as he treats you. Involve others.
Bring it into the open. Nothing like sunshine to disinfest abuse.
TIP
Stay away from
such quagmires. Scrutinize every offer and suggestion,
no matter how innocuous.
Prepare backup plans. Keep others informed of your whereabouts and apprised of your situation.
Be vigilant and doubting. Don't be gullible and suggestible. Better safe than sorry.
TIP
Run! Get away! Ambient abuse often develops to overt
and violent abuse. You don't
owe anyone an explanation - but you owe yourself a life. Bail out.
|
 |
|
Teachers are bullies too... click here to read about this.
How to spot signs and symptoms of
serial bullies, sociopaths and psychopaths including the sociopath's
behavior of the industrial psychopath and the corporate psychopath
I estimate 1 person in 30, male or female, is a serial bully.
Who
does the following profile describe in your life?
The serial bully:
- is a convincing, practiced liar and when
called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment
- has a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile,
vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial bully's aggression sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as "charming" and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as "evil"; Hyde is the real
person, Jekyll is an act
- excels at deception and should never be underestimated in their capacity to
deceive
- uses excessive charm and is always
plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present (charm can
be used to deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy)
- is glib, shallow and superficial with plenty
of fine words and lots of form - but there's no substance
- is possessed of an exceptional verbal facility and will out maneuver most people in verbal interaction, especially
at times of conflict
- is often described as smooth, slippery,
slimy, ingratiating, fawning, toadying, obsequious, sycophantic
- relies on mimicry, repetition and regurgitation
to convince others that he or she is both a "normal" human being and a tough dynamic manager, as in extolling the virtues
of the latest management fads and pouring forth the accompanying jargon
- is unusually skilled in being able to anticipate what people want to hear and then saying it plausibly
- can't be trusted or relied upon
- fails to fulfill commitments
- is emotionally retarded with an arrested
level of emotional development; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of a 5 year-old
- is emotionally immature and emotionally
untrustworthy
- exhibits unusual and inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters, sexual behavior and bodily functions; underneath the charming exterior there are often
suspicions or hints of sex discrimination and sexual harassment, perhaps also sexual dysfunction, sexual inadequacy,
sexual perversion, sexual violence or sexual abuse
- in a relationship, is incapable
of initiating or sustaining intimacy
- holds deep prejudices
(e.g. against the opposite gender, people of a different sexual orientation, other cultures
and religious beliefs, foreigners, etc. - prejudiced people are unvaryingly unimaginative) but goes
to great lengths to keep this prejudicial aspect of their personality secret
- is self-opinionated and displays
arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and being untouchable
- has a deep-seated contempt of clients in
contrast to his or her professed compassion
- is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; i.e., will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you're permitted to say if
you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder
in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise
anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity
- displays a compulsive need to criticize whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence
- shows a lack of joined-up
thinking with conversation that doesn't flow and arguments that don't hold water
- flits from topic to topic so
that you come away feeling you've never had a proper conversation
- refuses to be specific and
never gives a straight answer
- is evasive and has a Houdini-like ability
to escape accountability
- undermines and destroys anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary,
a potential threat, or who can see through the bully's mask
- is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them
- is quick to discredit and neutralize anyone
who can talk knowledgeably about antisocial or sociopath behaviors
- may pursue a vindictive vendetta against
anyone who dares to held them accountable, perhaps using others' resources and contemptuous of the damage caused to other people and organizations
in pursuance of the vendetta
- is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate
and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully
to account
- gains gratification from denying people what they're entitled to
- is highly manipulative, especially of people's perceptions and emotions (e.g. guilt)
- poisons peoples' minds
by manipulating their perceptions
- when called upon to share or address the
needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression
- is arrogant, haughty, high-handed and a know-all
- often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic attention-seeking need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behavior and treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their
behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and how they're seen by others
- is spiritually dead although may loudly profess some religious belief or affiliation
- is mean-spirited, officious and often unbelievably
petty
- is mean, stingy and financially untrustworthy
- is greedy, selfish, a parasite and an emotional vampire
- is always a taker and never a giver
- is convinced of their superiority and has
an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but can't distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity,
impulsiveness, aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)
- often fraudulently claims qualifications,
experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or bogus
- often misses the semantic meaning of language,
misinterprets what's said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him or herself
- knows the words but not the
song
- is constantly imposing on others a false
reality made up of distortion and fabrication
- sometimes displays a seemingly limitless
demonic energy especially when engaged in attention-seeking activities or evasion of accountability and is often a committee-aholic or apparent workaholic
Responsibility
The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behavior and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and inappropriateness thereof; however, it's more
likely that the bully knows what they're doing but elects to switch off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound.
If the
bully knows what they're doing, they're responsible for their behavior and thus liable for its consequences to other people.
If the
bully doesn't know what they're doing, they should be suspended from duty on the grounds
of diminished responsibility and the provisions of the Mental Health Act should apply.
source: click here
The focus of this column
is the serial bully in the workplace, however, the profile is relevant to most types of abusers, including:
Anecdotal
evidence indicates that the serial bully in the workplace is also a serial bully at home and in the community.
The common objective of these offenders
is power, control, domination and subjugation. What varies is the means by which these are pursued, i.e., the way in which violence is expressed.
Most of the offenders in the list above commit criminal or arrestable offences; the serial bully
commits mostly non-arrestable offences, i.e.:
- negligence
- incompetence
- maladministration
- neglect of duty
- dereliction of duty
- misappropriation of budgets
- financial irregularities and fiddling the books
- fiddling expenses
- falsifying time sheets
- pilfering
- stealing, diverting, skimming, or "losing" clients' money and
investments
- embezzlement
- fraud
- deception
- malpractice
- misrepresentation
- conspiracy (e.g., to obstruct
or pervert the course of justice)
- using the employer's resources to run their own business on
the side
- moonlighting for employer's clients or competitors
- leaking information to people who shouldn't be in possession of that information
- awarding contracts to family and friends
- failure to fulfill obligations
- breaches of health and safety regulations
- breaches of rules and regulations
- breaches of codes of conduct
- improper use of fraternal allegiances
- indiscretions
- impropriety
- inappropriate sexual conduct
- being the target of previous grievance and disciplinary action
- being the target of previous legal action (unfair dismissal, harassment, personal injury, etc)
- fraudulent qualifications and misleading or bogus claims of
professional affiliation (check the bully's CV carefully)
- collusion
- corruption
- being sacked or asked to leave their previous job(s)
- recruitment through nepotism or favoritism rather than ability
- extra-marital affairs - see below
- at home: poor credit rating, verbal abuse, domestic abuse, neglect, abandonment
Most cases
of bullying involve a serial bully - one person
to whom all the dysfunction can be traced. The serial bully has done this before, is doing
it now - and will do it again.
Investigation will reveal a string of predecessors who have either left unexpectedly or in suspicious
circumstances, have taken early or ill-health retirement, have been unfairly dismissed, have been involved in disciplinary
or legal action, or have had stress breakdowns. Serial bullies exploit the recent frenzy of downsizing and reorganization to hinder recognition of the pattern of previous cases.
The
serial bully in the workplace is often found in a job which is a position of power, has a high administrative or procedural content but little or no creative requirement and which provides opportunities for
demonstrating a "caring" or "leadership" nature.
Introduction to the serial bully
Embittered by an abusive upbringing, seething with resentment, irritated by others' failure to fulfill his or her superior sense of entitlement and fueled by anger resulting from rejection,
the serial bully displays an obsessive, compulsive and self-gratifying urge to displace
their uncontrolled aggression onto others whilst exhibiting an apparent lack of insight into their behavior and its effect
on people around them.
Jealousy and envy motivate the bully to identify a competent and popular individual who is then controlled and subjugated through projection of the bully's
own inadequacy and incompetence.
When the
target asserts their right not to be bullied, a paranoid fear of exposure compels the bully to perceive
that person as a threat and hence neutralize and dispose of them as quickly as possible.
Once a
person has been eliminated there's an interval of between 2 days and 2 weeks before the
bully chooses another target and the cycle starts again.
Detailed profile of the serial bully
The serial bully also:
- is selfish and acts out of self-interest, self-aggrandizement
and self-preservation at all times; everything can be traced back to the self - even the seemingly innocuous "How are
you today?" translates to "Is there any comeback on me as to how you're feeling today?"
- is insensitive, often callously indifferent to the needs of
others, and especially when others are experiencing difficulty (vulnerability is a major stimulant to the serial bully)
- is incapable of reciprocity, i.e., unable and unwilling to
reciprocate any positive gesture
- sees anyone attempting to be conciliatory as a sucker to be
exploited
- uses criticism, humiliation, etc. in the guise of addressing
shortfalls in performance - in reality, these are for control and subjugation, not for performance enhancement
- appears to be intelligent but often performs poorly in academic
or professional roles, despite appearances; the intelligence is focused exclusively on deviousness, cunning, scheming, manipulation,
evasiveness, deceptiveness, being quick-witted, craftiness, being self-centered, etc.
- may be passive aggressive, blowing hot and cold, superficially
cooperative but motivated by retribution, stubborn, unencroachable, use their intelligence to excuse and justify their behavior
and they detest anyone more competent than themselves - which is most people
- is unable to maintain confidentiality, often breaching it with
misrepresentation, distortion and fabrication
- distorts, twists, concocts and fabricates criticisms and allegations
and abuses the disciplinary procedures - again, for control and subjugation, not for performance enhancement
- uses gossip, back-stabbing or spreads rumors to undermine,
discredit and isolate
- is untrustworthy and unable to trust others - this partly explains
the compulsion for excessive monitoring
- is drawn to positions of power and abuses that power
- alters the employer's procedures to make it difficult or impossible
for others to hold the bully accountable using those procedures
- is autocratic and dictatorial, often using phrases like
"you shouldn't..." or "you ought to..."
- may appear superficially competent and professional at their
job, but behind the facade is inadequate, inept, poor at their job, often incompetent; survives only by plagiarizing other
people's work and being carried by those they bully
- wraps himself or herself in a flag or tradition and usurps
others' objectives, thereby nurturing compliance, reverence, deference, endorsement and obeisance; however, such veneration
and allegiance is divisive, being a corruption for personal power which exhibits itself through the establishment of a clique,
coterie, cabal, faction, or gang
- is a divisive and disruptive influence, their departments are
dysfunctional and inefficient and their behavior prevents staff from performing their duties
- is unusually susceptible to minor slights or perceived slights
and bears grudges which may be acted on years later when the transgressor can be denied promotion or downsized in the bully's "reorganization"
- gains gratification from provoking people into emotional or
irrational responses but is quick to claim provocation by others when challenged
- has a short-term focus and often can't think or plan ahead
more than 24 hours
- appears to have a short, selective memory and often can't or
will not remember what they said, did, or committed to more than 24 hours ago - but is always able to remember your faults,
often from years ago
- the serial bully seems to
live in a bubble of the present and when challenged will spontaneously make things up; the bully genuinely seems to believe
the fabrication; from a psychiatric viewpoint this could be called confabulation; from a moral viewpoint, it's called lying
- is often like a child who has never grown up
- exhibits immature behavior and poor manners
- has poor communication skills, poor interpersonal skills, poor social skills
- often misses social cues
- has poor language skills and uses almost exclusively negative
language with few or no positive words; is often limited to parroting fad phrases and regurgitating the latest management
jargon
- has poorly-defined moral and ethical boundaries
- acts out of gratification and self-interest only, often using
and hiding behind the employer
- extrovert bullies tend to
be shouters and screamers, are highly visible, and bully from the front
- extrovert bullies can be
charismatic and seem to be able to bewitch people into following and supporting them
- introvert bullies - the most
dangerous types - tend to sit in the background and recruit others to do the bullying for
them - when dealing with this type of bullying, identify the arch-bully
in the background and focus single-mindedly on that person - the others will melt away
- is a killjoy, a wet blanket, is unreceptive and finds fault
with or pours scorn on other people's ideas and suggestions, but may regurgitate them later claiming to be the originator
- often has a hatred of a sector of society, e.g. ethnic minorities,
disabled people, etc
- often has a hatred of certain professional groups, e.g.; psychologists,
psychiatrists, social workers, counselors, therapists
- is unimaginative and lacks the skills of creativity and innovation
- rarely has any ideas of his or her own; tends to regurgitate
what others (especially superiors) say rather than use own thinking
- is a plagiarist, steals other people's work - and the credit
for it
- has a writing style that is disjointed, lacks flow and consistency,
tends to make contradictory statements, and has the feel of a young teenager trying to write like a grown-up (apologies to teenagers)
- often uses false praise or praise which is inappropriate to
the circumstances; this is partly to make the bully feel good, partly for the benefit of
witnesses, partly poor judgment, partly immaturity, and partly for control and subjugation to throw their target off guard
- is unable and unwilling to value others and their contributions
and achievements; is often scornful
- shows discrepancy in valuing tasks, deliberately devaluing
the work and achievements of others; when the bully does a certain job, it's onerous, difficult
and the bully needs lots of recognition; when their target does the same job it's trivial,
of little or no value, not worth mentioning
- is ungrateful and rarely (if
ever) says "thank you" or "well done" (except, perhaps, if impressionable
witnesses are present)
- is frequently sarcastic, especially in contexts where sarcasm
is inappropriate and unprofessional
- is unable to assess the importance of events and tasks, often
making an unnecessary fuss over trivia whilst ignoring important or urgent things
- exhibits duplicity and hypocrisy, e.g.; says one thing one
day and denies it the next
- often has an overwhelming (and
unhealthy) need to feel recognized and wanted
- is fastidious, often has an unhealthy obsession with cleanliness
or orderliness
- is insincere and false
- has never learned the skills of and has little concept of empathy;
may use charm and mimicry to compensate
- attempts at empathy are superficial, amateur, often inappropriate
or inappropriately high, and based on mimicry rather than genuine concern - and are for the purpose of making the bully look and feel good, especially in front of witnesses
- when required to show empathy, e.g.; someone is in distress
or needs help, responds either with impatience and aggression (if no-one else is present),
or with a fulsome and effusive attempt at empathy (if witnesses are present)
- is unwilling to apologize for mistakes, except occasionally
when witnesses are present, then the apology is fulsome, artificial, and inappropriate - but sufficiently convincing for peers
and superiors
- is quick to blame others
- is uncharacteristically fulsome and effusive, especially in
front of witnesses - but hollow and insincere
- is devious and manipulative (especially female bullies)
- is spiteful and vengeful (ditto)
- uses aggression almost exclusively but claims to be assertive
(assertiveness is about recognizing and respecting the rights of oneself and others)
- has unpredictable mood swings, blows hot and cold, often suddenly
and without warning
- is inconsistent in their judgment, often overruling, ignoring
or denying what they said previously
- is inflexible and unable to evaluate options and alternatives
- is unforgiving and often seizes on and exploits others' mistakes
or perceived mistakes
- is financially irresponsible and often has a bad credit rating
- has a cavalier attitude to Health and Safety
- is quick to anger and often has an unpredictable temper
- can be unpredictably and disarmingly pleasant, especially when
you are unmasking them in front others - this plays on people's sympathies and is a use of guilt for manipulation and control
- is often humorless and emotionally flat; attempts at humor
are often shallow and superficial
- is insecure and sees others as a threat; the threat seems to
comprise a fear of exposure of inadequacy, and often borders on paranoia; the individual may have a paranoid personality
- is uncommunicative and uncooperative, and is evasive when asked
for information (e.g.; by subordinates)
- for communication, often relies excessively or exclusively on memos, emails, yellow stickies, or third parties and other strategies for avoiding face-to-face contact
- has no listening skills, ignores and overrules you; it can be like talking to a brick wall
- displays inappropriate and hostile body language
- makes inappropriate eye contact, either too little (or none at all) or too much (staring)
- often reported as having an evil stare, sometimes with eyes
that appear black rather than colored
- is unable to sustain a mature adult conversation (you may only
realise this in retrospect)
- sees people as objects (in
the same way that child sex abusers and rapists see their targets as objects for their gratification)
- often displays interpersonal behavior that is ill-advised,
especially with a sexual overtone, e.g.; invasion of intimate zone, gestures or comments which include inappropriate sexual references or innuendo, being inappropriately intimate with clients, being too friendly too soon, etc
- is incapable of intimacy
- lacks a conscience and shows no remorse
- displays excessive and rigid adherence to procedures, rules,
regulations etc, usually as a cover for lack of creativity; their work is largely bureaucratic in nature and obedience of
orders from above is a priority
- finds ritual important and comforting, and frequently indulges in ritual and ritualistic activity
- often forms or joins lots of committees to look busy and important
but never achieves anything of significance or value
- when called upon to exercise judgment, relies on and insists on rigid adherence to procedures and rules (this is an abdication
of responsibility and an admission of inability to manage)
- gains gratification from bullying people by imposing rules, regulations, laws etc and insisting on adherence
thereto, regardless of their relevance or efficacy
- often exhibits a psychopathic personality, the main features of which are:
an unwillingness to conform to the rules of society: thinks that rules, regulations, procedures and the law don't apply to them - but insists that others adhere rigidly
an inability to tolerate minor frustrations
a tendency to act impulsively, recklessly and randomly
an inability to form stable relationships (the bully's private life is usually a mess)
an inability or unwillingness to learn from past experience,
however unpleasant - this "learning blindness" is a key feature of the serial bully and
differentiates the serial bully from the unwitting bully;
this inability to learn seems to be concentrated in the area
of interpersonal, social, communication and behavioral skills;
closer inspection suggests that the
bully does learn from experience, but only how be more secretive and how to be more skilled at evading accountability
Other adjectives to describe
the serial bully include:
- cunning: skill
employed in a shrewd or sly manner, as in deceiving; craftiness; guile
- conniving: to cooperate secretly; conspire (often fol. by with):
They connived to take over the
business.
- scheming: given to making
plans, esp. sly and underhanded ones; crafty
- calculating: selfishly scheming: a cold and calculating
dictator.
- cruel: willfully or knowingly causing pain or distress to others.
- sadistic: any enjoyment in being cruel - Psychiatry. sexual gratification gained through causing pain or degradation to others
- ruthless: without pity or compassion; cruel; merciless: a ruthless
tyrant.
- treacherous: deceiving, untrustworthy, or unreliable
- premeditated: done deliberately; planned in advance: a premeditated murder.
- exploitative
- pernicious: causing insidious harm or ruin; ruinous; injurious; hurtful: pernicious teachings;
a pernicious lie. - or deadly, fatal
- malevolent: wishing evil or harm to another or others; showing ill will; ill-disposed; malicious: His failures made him malevolent toward those who were successful.
- obnoxious: highly objectionable or offensive; odious: obnoxious behavior.
- opportunist: One
who takes advantage of any opportunity to achieve an end, often with no regard for principles or consequences.
- unconcerned, etc.
The lack
of interpersonal, social and empathic skills are reminiscent of autism; the serial bully relies almost entirely on rules,
procedures, physically aggressive, denial and mimicry to hide their lack of people skills. Psychopaths and sociopaths are often excellent actors and mimics.
Most people
with this profile are incompetent at their job and the bullying is intended to hide this incompetence. However, a few recent cases suggest that some serial bullies
(especially the quiet ones):
- are good at carrying out rule-based or procedurally-oriented
jobs which require no free thinking or imagination; these people fall down when required to step outside this role, e.g., dealing with people
- (especially males)
excel in one area of work (usually scientific in nature) and may be regarded
as the leading authority in their field but are lacking in almost every other respect, especially in interpersonal skills
(this is reminiscent of savant syndrome); they also tend to be physically aggressive and may have a reputation for sexual harassment
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
