   Abuse changes brains of suicide victims
By Maggie Fox, Health and Science Editor Tue May 6, 9:47 PM ET
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Suicide victims who were abused as children have clear genetic changes in their brains, Canadian researchers
reported on Tuesday in a finding they said shows neglect can cause biological effects.
The findings offer potential
ways to find people at high risk of suicide, and perhaps to treat them and prevent future suicides.
And, the researchers said,
they also offer insights into how neglect and abuse can perpetuate unhealthy behavior through the generations.
Moshe Szyf of McGill University in Montreal and colleagues studied the brains of 18 men who committed suicide and who were also abused or neglected as children, and compared them to 12 men who also died suddenly but from other causes, and who were not abused, although some had various psychiatric problems such as anxiety disorders.
They found changes in the genetic
material of all 18 suicide victims. The changes were not in the genes themselves, but in the ribosomal RNA, which is the genetic material that makes
proteins that in turn make cells function.
These changes involved a chemical
process called methylation, a so-called epigenetic change involving the processes of turning genes on and off, they reported
in the Public Library of Science journal PLoS ONE, available at http://www.plosone.org/doi/pone.0002085 .
"The big remaining questions
are whether scientists could detect similar changes in blood DNA -- which could lead to diagnostic tests -- and whether we
could design interventions to erase these differences in epigenetic markings," Szyf said in a statement.
Dr. Eric Nestler of the University
of Texas Southwestern Medical School in Dallas
said both drugs and psychotherapy may act to reverse some of these changes.
CHANGING THE BRAIN
"Ultimately we believe that a person who gets better from psychotherapy is inducing changes in the brain," Nestler told reporters at a meeting of the American Psychiatric Association in Washington
where similar research was discussed.
Szyf's colleague, Michael
Meaney, has shown in animals that parental abuse and
neglect can affect the brains and behavior of offspring.
He has studied the brains of rats,
for whom parental care can be demonstrated in how much the mother grooms her pups.
"You can put two rats on a table
and tell which one is raised by a low-licking mother. The one reared by a low-licking mother is more nervous, and fatter,"
Meaney said in an interview at the Psychiatric Association meeting.
Images of the brain cells
of the rats show the brain cells of low-licking mothers have fewer dendrites. These are the strands that help one neuron communicate
with another.
Meaney, who also
worked on the suicide study, said the research, taken together, demonstrates how early experiences can cause physical changes in the brain.
He said female rats reared
by low-licking mothers reached puberty earlier, meaning they had more offspring.
Similar findings are true of humans,
who often have children at younger ages when times are stressful. The best way to pass along genes in uncertain times is to have more children, he said.
(Editing by Julie Steenhuysen
and Sandra Maler)
source site: click here
History
In 1874, the abuse of a child by her parents was brought to the attention of Henry Bergh, the founder and
president of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (S.P.C.A.). Without any
statutes pertaining to child abuse, Mr. Bergh could only acquire a lawyer an pursue the
case on the grounds that "children ought to be deemed just as worthy of protection from abuse as dogs and cats" (Weller, P. 57).
The case, named
after the abused child, became known as the "Little Mary Ellen Case" and went to court on
April 10, 1874, providing for the establishment of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (S.P.C.C.) in 1875.
A year later,
the S.P.C.A. and the S.P.C.C. merged, forming the American Humane Association (A.H.A.) which has pioneered standards for the
protection of children and animals since its formation.
The Child
Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act of 1974 has further served the needs of abused children throughout the U.S. in many ways including: providing financial assistance
to child abuse prevention and treatment programs; establishing a National Center on Child
Abuse; and providing resources for research to prevent child abuse.
Overview
Child abuse doesn't
discriminate. It spans all racial, gender, socio-economic and demographic boundaries. While it may be more likely to be reported and thus reflected in greater numbers of cases involving lower income families,
it's by no means a problem limited to members of one economic or racial group.
In recent years, public awareness of child abuse has been heightened by highly publicized cases such as the brutal beating
death of Lisa Steinberg in New York City by her adoptive father, attorney Joel Steinberg.
Yet many cases of child abuse continue to go unreported and many signs of abuse remain undetected.
Child abuse rarely occurs
as a single incidence. Abuse usually manifests itself as a pattern of events which can start as early as infancy and as late as adolescence.
Often abused children don’t realize that there is anything abnormal or wrong in their family.
As they're brought up
not knowing anything different, what they experience they assume to be what everyone else experiences (Ackerman and Graham, 1990).
Abuse can produce low self-esteem, aggressive behavior, acting out, suicidal tendencies, running away, wariness of adults, withdrawal, inhibition and school and social adjustment problems. As symptoms combine, they can develop into codependancy.
Abused teens learn to cope. Coping mechanisms include
- care taking: growing up quickly and taking care of the house,
keeping it running smoothly and trying to be "good." They
can also withdraw and isolate themselves, trying not to be noticed.
Sometimes teens will equate
their abuse with love, when the only attention they receive is abuse, some teens will provoke it, searching for the attention they receive as a result (Ackerman &
Graham, 1990).
Very often children and teens
will not talk about their abuse. They will protect their abuser, making excuses for their injuries. For this reason, it's often hard to uncover abuse. Detection of abuse takes careful observation over a period of time. Just as unreported and undisclosed abuse is unjust, so is the unfounded an inaccurate reporting.
A false report is devastating and lasting, the stigma stays long after the report has been cleared. Therefore it's important that careful investigation is done before accusations are made.
There is, sometimes, a fine
line between what distinguishes between abuse and harsh, if appropriate, punishment. This confusion about what constitutes abuse may influence the high level of under-reporting.
Abuse of children can be divided into 4 categories:
Physical / Emotional Neglect
Physical & emotional
neglect may accompany other forms of abuse & may result in long-term devastating consequences.
Physical neglect includes a "pervasive" situation where parents or guardians don't or can't provide the necessary food, shelter, medical
care, supervision & education for children under 18 years old (Pacer, 1990).
Emotional neglect may also include deprivation of love, stimulation & security.
Although it's
often forgotten or overlooked, the majority of fatalities due to child maltreatment are attributed to neglect. However, there
are other factors involved. Often neglect is correlated with poverty & it is difficult to distinguish between what is
immediately due to the neglect & what's a result of the poverty.
For example, undernourishment
may simply be an inability to afford the proper food, or it may be a lack of effort on the part of the parent. Medical neglect
is also difficult to study since more than one factor affects medical compliance.
It's sometimes
unclear if it's the parent who isn't attentive to the child’s needs, or if it's the child’s unwillingness to cooperate that is the cause of the medical neglect (Dubowitz,
1991).
Trouble Looms for Tiny Infants Abused in Childhood
By Crystal Phend, Staff Writer, MedPage Today
NEW YORK, Feb. 5/2007
Low birth weight & child abuse combine synergistically to increase the later risks of
depression by 10-fold & social dysfunction by nearly ninefold.
So found Yoko Nomura, Ph.D.,
M.P.H. & Claude M. Chemtob, Ph.D., both of Mount Sinai School of Medicine here, in an observational study published in
the Feb. 5 issue of The Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine.
The findings offer both hope
& a warning for children who weigh less than 2,500 g at birth, they said.
"The present
data suggest that children born with low birth weight did as well as their counterparts as long as they didn't face
serious adversity, such as child abuse," the researchers said.
"However, when faced with
both adversities, these children had substantially poorer outcomes than children facing either adversity alone," they continued.
"Perhaps monitoring mothers' well-being,
offering preventive mental health services to mothers with low-birth-weight children & monitoring low-birth-weight children
to provide early intervention together could protect such children from subsequent child abuse,"
they added.
The researchers analyzed data
from the Johns Hopkins Collaborative Perinatal Study, which included all pregnant women who received prenatal care & delivered
at Johns Hopkins Hospital from 1960 to 1964. The infants were followed periodically during childhood thru age 34.
In a face-to-face interview
in adulthood, 13% of the participants reported high-level exposure to violence in the family, which could include physical & verbal abuse. A similar proportion had low birth weight (14%). An additional 3% had both.
Other demographic variables
were similar between groups. Most of the participants were African American (81.5%) or white (18.3%) & slightly more than
1/2 were women.
The social adaptation findings
during adolescence were almost uniformly worst among those with both low birth weight & abuse
followed by those with abuse only. The researchers reported:
- Suspension in junior high school was significantly more common
among teens with either both factors compared with abuse only or with low birth weight only
or neither (63.6%, 46.0%, 33.3%, and 32.7%, respectively, P<0.001),
- Academic excellence (indicated
by being on the honor roll) was least common among those with both risk factors (27.3% vs 43.4% abuse only, 48.0% low birth weight only
& 52.0% neither, P<0.05 both vs. neither),
- The number of repeated grades was again highest in the dual
risk factor group (45.5% vs 43.8% abuse only, 31.3% low birth
weight only & 30.0% neither),
- Teens with both factors or abuse
only had significantly higher rates of running away from home; dropping out of high school; trading sex for food, money or
drugs & lifetime history of school suspension compared with those with low birth weight only or neither (P<0.01 or P<0.001 for all).
In adulthood, the risk of
psychiatric illness was highest among the group that had both low birth weight & childhood
abuse. Compared to the group with neither risk factor, the findings were:
- For depression, about a 10-fold
increased risk in the group with both factors (P<0.001), about threefold increased risk in the abuse only group (P<0.007) & no significant elevation in risk for the low birth weight only
group,
- For social dysfunction, more than sevenfold increased
risk for the group with both factors (P<0.001), a two to threefold elevated risk for the abuse
only group & no significant difference for the low birth weight only group
- For somatization, a fourfold increased risk among the dual
risk factor group (P<0.001), a two to threefold increased risk for the abuse
only group & no significant increase in risk for the low birth weight only group.
When the researchers looked
for evidence of synergism between abuse & low birth weight, there was "clear evidence"
for psychiatric illness but not for medical illness. The proportion attributable to additive interaction was:
- 0.86 for depression (95%
confidence interval 0.05 to 1.67)
- 0.81 for social dysfunction (95% CI -0.001 to 1.59)
- 0.77 for somatization (95%
CI 0.07 to 1.48)
- 0.08 for asthma (95%
CI -0.12 to 0.77)
- 0.13 for hypertension (95%
CI -0.04 to 0.46)
The results were controlled
for mother's income level at the birth of the child; gestational age; poverty level of the family at age seven; mother's education,
marital status, age & parity & children's age, sex & race.
The researchers hypothesized
that "dysregulation of hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis functioning may serve as an underlying biological mechanism that
explains the pathway between these very different risk factors."
They said their study
is part of a large number of research studies on long-term adverse effects of low birth weight, which started in the 1970's
with improved neonatal intensive care & is now coming to fruition as survivors from that time are have reached adulthood.
"Although such studies have
great public health significance, their findings are still inconclusive," Drs. Nomura & Chemtob cautioned.
Public health surveillance
should continue for low birth weight infants, they suggested, along with targeted support for caregivers, such as interventions
to ease abuse in the family & to encourage effective parenting, they added.
Book review of & notes from "Saving Jessie" by Imogen Clark
Introduction
These are my notes from a
book by a mother in Australia titled "Saving Jessie." It's made out to be a book showing how a loving mother tried to save
her daughter from heroin.
I'm uncertain as to the mother's
main motive for writing the book. On one hand I believe she may honestly be trying to help other families avoid the pain she,
her family & her daughter faced.
I chose that particular order
just now because I believe it reflects how the mother seemed more concerned with her own pain than with her daughter's. This
is something I've seen frequently in dysfunctional families.
The person who turns to drugs
is often called selfish for hurting the other family members. (This only adds to the drug
user's emotional pain, which causes them to feel more need to numb it with drugs or anything else available.)
Returning to the topic of
the mother's motivation for writing the book, it appears to me that it was to primarily to defend herself & the rest of
the family. This book is unique, in my experience, because it's written from the mother's perspective & contains extrordinary
detail in what was happening inside the home.
Many people are quick to say
that teenagers exaggerate & want to place all the blame on the parents, but this book is written by the mother herself.
While she seems to be presenting
a case for her self-defense, I couldn't help but think that the whole book is actually an indictment of the mother & all
of the dysfunctional family patterns, feelings & behavior which lead to a teen wanting to numb their pain with drugs or
suicide.
As I read, I understood why
Jessie was in so much pain that she turned to heroin. I found myself wanting to find her & tell her that I understood
& offer her a chance to talk to someone with whom she didn't have to put herself down or defend her parents.
I found myself wanting to
offer her a hug & a safe place to cry over all the years of her emotional pain which had been invalidated by her family.
S. Hein
April 2003
Bathurst, Australia
Summary
The book shows clearly, in
the mother's own words, how her daughter was emotionally & physically abused & why Jessie was in so much pain she needed something as powerful as heroin to self-medicate it.
Somewhat cynically I thought
that a better title for the book would be "Poisoning Jessie" since her mother & the rest of her family poisoned Jessie's
mind, heart & soul with their toxic words & actions.
Here are some examples from
the day Jessie told her mother she was on heroin. Jessie was 15 at the time. The mother shows how she:
- Verbally attacks & labels Jessie
- Takes things personally
- Places the blame on Jessie
- Fails to show either understanding or empathy
- Creates negative feelings for herself by comparing reality
to her own unreal expectations.
- Uses sarcasm to attack Jessie
- Physically abuses Jessie
From page
101:
How could she do this to me again?
What was wrong with her? How could she have been so stupid? My child wasn't supposed to be on heroin. She was intelligent
& beautiful & talented. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be.
"You're on heroin. Just like
that. You're on heroin."
She nodded.
"Fuck you, Jess. How can you
be on heroin?
"I just am, Mum. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry. Well, that's
great. That makes a big difference, doesn't it? Terrific."
Then when they got to Jessie's place that same day, the mother
tells us this...
I hit her as hard as I could
across the face. She sank to the floor sobbing, holding her cheek, her eyes full of hurt & amazement that I could do that
to her. But I wasn't finished. I drew back my arm & brought it down with full force, raining blows wherever they fell,
stopping only when I had no strength left.
After reading just this, in
the mother's own words, is there any wonder why Jessie turned to drugs?
These notes are very rough
& largely unedited right now, but I wanted to post them before I start to travel again so I might help people understand
why teens use drugs, why they self-harm & why they commit suicide.
Not all such teens have the
same kind of parents as Jessie had, but in my experience, all teens who turn to any kind of dangerously unhealthy ways of
coping have been hurt emotionally, if not physically or sexually, by their own parents for years upon years.
Their emotional needs have simply gone unmet for too long. The pain from their unmet emotional needs to be listened to, validated, understood, accepted & really cared about is just too great. This book shows exactly what
I've been talking about on this site.
While this book will not serve
the purpose that the author intended, that of defending herself & her family, it does have great value to society in showing
how parents unintentionally lead their own children straight into drugs, self-destruction & far too often, death.
S. Hein
Bathurst, Australia
April 2003
April 2006 update
I first read this book in April, 2003. I found it in a library
in Bathurst, Australia. Now it is April, 2006. I cried again when I read about the mother hitting her daughter.
I feel disbelief that any mother could treat her own daughter
this way. I feel pain at the thought that any human could treat any other human so cruelly. But especially their own daugther,
all the while professing love for the daughter.
Yet though I'm stunned by what this mother wrote, I know that
other mothers treat their daughters in similar ways, particularly in England, the motherland of those now in power in Australia.
Last night I spoke with a 15 year old named Flick in England
who has tried to kill herself. Her mother sounds very much like the one who wrote this book. I'll ask Flick to have a look
at this file & let me know if she seems similarities.
But for now I just want to say that if you're interested in either
why teens turn to drugs, why they self harm or why they try to kill themselves, read this page very carefully. I would like
to see it be required reading for all psychology students.
By the way, a while back I got a letter from someone who said
he was a school director who knew Jessie & her mother. He said something like "you, sir, have no clue."
So I wrote him back & invited him to enlighten me about what
he meant, but he never wrote back. Then recently I got an email from someone who implied she was Jessie. She attacked me or
"trashing her family" & she said something about "the success of her mother's book."
I wrote her back & told her that I'd like to find out if
she was really Jessie from the book & if I could have permission to post her email & I told her that if she were proud
of her mother's book, then I felt sorry for her.
So far, I haven't heard back from her. I'm afraid it's all to
possible though that she really is the daughter in the book & now mother & daughter are close friends. This reminds
me of what happened to Steff, who once could see thru her mother
& now defends her.
S. Hein
April 21, 2006
Salta, Argentina
Ways the mother causes pain for her daughter:
Talks about things being "appropriate"
& "inappropriate" rather than giving real explanations or expressing her actual feelings & taking responsibility for
them.
Uses sarcasm.
Is wrapped up in her own feelings.
Talks about "expectations" & how things are "supposed" to
be.
Uses the word "should"
Interrogates.
Verbally attacks.
Blames her.
Lays guilt trips. (How could
you do this to us again?)
Invalidates.
Underestimates.
Labels. (An example of how
she labels even other people is on page 110 when she calls other mothers "stupid, self-centered bitches" Another example is
on p. 240 when she calls someone a "spiteful bitch" -- If she can talk like
this about other people, she surely has said the same kinds of things to Jessie. One trait of dysfunctional relationships
is that the people in them are always harder on those they "love." I suppose this is because they need more from them, not because they really love them more.)
Labels her behavior (Ex.
"embarrassing & atrociously rude" - p
238)
Lies to her.
Controlled her.
Ask questions that contain the answer (That
makes a big difference, doesn't it? - p.
101)
Swears at her (p 101
Fuck you, Jess. p. 260 For fuck's sake..)
Lectures.
Is not emotionally honest
Says things like "How dare she complain.." (p. 110)
Mother's values: Clothing. Appearances. Parties. Being strong. Clean rooms.
Quotes from the book - my notes are in
( )
Back cover:
I discovered that my daughter
was a heroin addict at 7:25 pm on Tuesday, February 13, 1996...I'm not very proud of the next couple of hours. I would like to be able to write that I gathered her in my arms, soothed her obvious misery, reassured her that I loved her...but I was enraged. How could she do this to me? What was wrong with her? My child wasn't
supposed to be on heroin.
Nothing could prepare Imogen
Clark for the shock of discovering that her daughter was a heroin addict. The youngest child in a tightly knit, loving family,
Jessie was intelligent, beautiful & talented - she didn't fit the stereotype of the unhappy child who turns to drugs to
escape pain.
How could she do this to me again?
How could she have been so stupid?
p 1.
"What is it that leads some
people to drugs?"
"The literature is filled
with a complex interaction of many factors, ranging from social, psychological & familial. Was it a form of protest, a
result of boredom, disillusionment with the establishment, the hopelessness of her generation & pervasive youth unemployment?
Was it due to her personality,
her inability to cope with normal problems as they occurred?
Did we protect her too much
from pressures & the consequences of her own actions?
Was she programmed with an
addictive personality & addiction to something almost inevitable?
Prepared to take risks recklessly?
Was the structure & nurturing
environment of family somehow inadequate?"
(Note how she uses fancy,
evasive language... "a complex interaction of many factors...")
Mom is a primary school teacher.
Dad is a professor.
Mom says Jessie had a "Strong
will" & "Strong sense of individuality" - yeah, I'd say most heroin users did & their parents tried to crush both
the will & the individuality.
p 3 "... she showed strong
indications of individuality at an early age."
Example of mother being controlling...
p 5 mother wouldn't let Jessie's
sister Lucy date an 18 year old guy when Lucy was 15
Mom defends herself &
family
p 2. Says sister Lucy &
brother Sam both loved her & wanted to be the first to give her a cuddle when she came home from the hospital. This means
nothing about how they treated her when she was an adolescent.
p 3 says "she was in no way
a difficult child to raise" - not till she was an adolescent- which is when most girls become "difficult" according to many
abusive mothers
Parents label her...
p 2 father called her "Messy
Jessie" as an infant
p 3 mom called her a "dreadful"
sleeper
p 3 Said she would have to
get up several times a night "in an attempt to stop her from disturbing the rest of the family." i.e., blames an infant for
being an infant & disturbing the family.
Mom tries to get the readers'
sympathy by talking about how cute she was & how much the family loved her. Tells needless stories about her learning
to swim, going to the library truck & the supermarket, i.e.
When she was 2 the mother
started teaching 3 mornings a week. The next year it was 4 mornings, then when she was 5 it was each morning. So in other
words the mother wasn't there for her, which might have actually helped Jessie in this case.
p 5 "She seemed mature for
her age." - yeah, most heroin users that I know are mature for their age. They don't want to be treated like children &
they feel underestimated, disrespected & over protected - or totally neglected.
p 5 more examples of mom trying
to make the family look good by talking about how Sam was protective of her & how she would be taken out for a "special
treat" by "her big sister" on holidays.
"Big sisters often find their
younger siblings a nuisance, but Jess managed to fit in unobtrusively."
"She wasn't only a social
leader in the class, but bright." So she was smart & a born leader, but her mother over-controlled her, which is also
typical of heroin users I've met.
p 6 Mother kicked Sam &
Lucy under the table whenever she thought the conversation wasn't "appropriate" for Jessie because she "wasn't old enough
to deal with" the topic. - Overprotective, underestimating her.
She said she would always
try to change the subject just when Jessie thought it was getting interesting. More over-protection, underestimation &
disrespect.
"Inevitably she became aware
of 'older' issues."
"Quite often, we would realize
that whole meals would have passed without Jessie making a contribution to the conversation. It was largely because she couldn't
get a word in, her two older siblings & both parents all having strong personalities."
Defends family by saying when
Jessie would put up her hand to get a chance to speak they would "stop immediately" & let her talk.
She also says "The sneaky
kicks were not to censor now, but to give her a go." Mother admits she is being "sneaky" rather than emotionally honest &
just saying "kids, I feel bad that Jessie isn't getting a chance to talk..." This home must have been full of superficiality.
p 6 Said Jessie "announced
that she was now a vegetarian." "We felt it would last a few days at most. I decided to take no account of it in preparing
meals, to give her no sense of added importance... Her 12th birthday was looming in a few weeks. That would sort her out for
sure..."
It's obvious the mother is
mocking her daughter's choice & disapproving of it.
"As her birthday approached,
she decided that what she would like to do, instead of having a party, was to go out to lunch with the family. She selected
a place we'd been to before, with a smorgasbord lunch. I was certain this would be the breaking of the fast but, on the day
before, she insisted, that I ring to check if they had vegetarian meals...It was 6 months before she gradually allowed some
meat back into her diet."
"Jessie, like Lucy, had strong
opinions on clothes from a very early age. I realized with Lucy that arguing over what was worn was a great waste of energy
& ultimately didn't really matter. Initially, with my firstborn, I had felt that my will should prevail over that of a
4 year-old & that was what it had become, a battle of wills.
Lucy was determined &
eventually we learnt to compromise, so it was no longer a battleground. So, when Jess was born, I enjoyed the opportunity
while it lasted to be able to dress her how I pleased... She was so cute & sweet & there was the feeling that this
was my last child & I was going to enjoy her toddlerhood."
p 15 "Another example of her
disregard for authority."
"I'm not sure if she learnt
the value of politeness completely after that incident..." (always trying to teach her
a lesson)
"Surprisingly, Jessie was
never in real trouble at school."
p 33 At age 15, when Jess
called to say that she wasn't coming home one night, the mother responded:
"Jessie, don't be stupid.
Where are you? This is ridiculous."
Jessie hung up.
They eventually found where
she was & sent the police to go get her.
p 47 "If you loved your family,
how could you put them through such a time." (referring to her running away)
p 73 "It was completely out
of the question" - when she was 17 & told them she wanted to move to Melbourne.
p 89 "I still harbored resentment
for her leaving so suddenly, when she still should have been attending school & living at home."
p 90 When she came home for
a few days the mother told Jessie "it wasn't too late to admit that moving to Melbourne was a mistake.."
p 92 "I feel so under pressure,
Mum..."
The mother writes, "I was
a bit skeptical about this apparent melodrama... There was no pressure." i.e. the mother invalidates her.
p 94 "Her future & direction
were unclear. Behaving recklessly caused her no concern. And a drug induced stupor meant none of those issues had to be dealt
with or faced, no decisions made."
p 96 About the time when she
wanted to start staying away from home again at age 18 her mother writes, "It was a natural & healthy to want to be independent.
But as we went to sleep that night we both knew that that was Jessie's quiet way of doing exactly what she wanted."
"In the following weeks she
rarely came home, although she'd occasionally ask herself to dinner." (more resentment
show by the mother)
p. 97 When she hadn't called
them to say where she was & why she was late they said, "It's typical of Jessie's attitude...Everything's just too much
trouble."
"The least she could have done
was ring to tell us she was delayed."
The mother then called Jessie's
apartment. Someone told her she was out & would be back soon. The mother decided to go there & wait for her to come
home.
"Stephen appeared, or at least
I assumed that the apparition before me was Stephen... I had long since ceased to be surprised at the appearance of either
Jessie or her friends."
p 100 The mother is waiting
outside & Jessie arrives & gives her mother a quick kiss. The mother writes "She wasn't going to get away with it
so easily."
Then the mother started interrogating
her. Where had she been? What on earth did she go to Ian's for?
The mother looked at her eyes
& said "You've taken something haven't you?"
Jessie said yes. The mother
writes:
"Well what?!" I almost screamed
at her.
Jessie tells her it was heroin.
p 101 (The
mother's reaction when Jessie admits she is using heroin)
Next the mother writes the
same thing that is on the back cover, but with more detail:
I'm not very proud of the
next couple of hours. I'd like to be able to write that I gathered her in my arms, soothed her obvious misery, reassured her
that I loved her & that I'd do whatever she needed me to do to help her. That we went quietly back to her flat & with
Joe, we calmly & supportively discussed what was to be done; what, if anything, she wanted to be done.
There may be some parents,
who having dealt with their much-loved & cherished child's increasingly severe problems over a number of years, could
face this one, the one that made all other problems seem just minor irritations, with a degree of equanimity & sensitivity.
I wasn't one of them, then.
I was enraged.
I had stopped worrying. I
had thought it was over. How could she do this to me again? What was wrong with her? How could she have been so stupid? My
child wasn't supposed to be on heroin. She was intelligent & beautiful & talented. This wasn't the way it was supposed
to be.
The mother said to Jessie:
"You're on heroin. Just like
that. You're on heroin."
She nodded.
"Fuck you, Jess. How can you
be on heroin?
"I just am, Mum. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry. Well, that's
great. That makes a big difference, doesn't it? Terrific."
p 102
Then the mother thinks back before
continuing.
Once the mother called her
to tell her about a possible job she saw in the paper. Jess was still in bed. The mother writes: "How could she be serious
if she were still in bed at lunchtime?" Jess admitted she had been "slack" & promised she would start looking for a job.
The mother writes:
"She was a master at saying
what we wanted to hear. Her acting ability was not for nothing."
"Then there was the night
the 3 of us were going out for my birthday dinner. She'd arrived home in dirty jeans, looking quite disheveled. She had years
ago learnt the distinction between what was appropriate to wear with her friends & what we would accept when we were going
out. Dirt was definitely out. Not wishing to create a scene on what was meant to be a happy family occasion, Joe quietly insisted
that she find something clean from what she still had left in her wardrobe.
"For God's sake Jess! If you
can't come to dinner without being stoned, then don't come at all. I can't stand to look at you like that." Then he left the
table.
Then the mother continues
with what she did to Jess when Jess told her she was on heroin.
First she interrogated her.
She demanded to know how long.
The mother writes that she almost spat in Jessie's face as she questioned her.
The mother grabbed Jessie
by the arm & started to pull her towards her car. Jessie protested & they got into an argument. The mother insisted
they talk about it immediately either at home or in Jessie's place. Jessie said there were people at her place & the mother
ordered her to tell them to leave.
"I shouted in her face, 'Get
rid of them.'
Jessie told her mother that
she couldn't just tell them to leave. They were her friends & had no place else to go.
The mother writes:
"All semblance of calm left me.
'You're on heroin & you can't tell them to leave so we can talk about it. Right then, I'll tell them."
Jessie cried & pleaded
with her not to do that. She said, "You can't do that, Mum."
The mother said, "Watch me,
Jess. Either you tell them or I tell them."
The mother started to go in
& Jessie stopped her & said "Just wait, will you?" She went in and told her friends & they left.
p 104
The mother writes
"Her flat was a mess. Not
just the remnants of a day's living not yet cleaned up, but general disarray. Ashtray's overflowed, the bed was unmade, clothes
were all over the place, a coffee cup had been overturned & left to stain the carpet."
Then the mother pulled a sheet
off of her bed & started throwing all of Jessie's things into a pile, telling her "You're getting out of her now &
coming home."
In tears, Jessie says, "I'm
not."
They began to fight over a
pair of jeans. Then the mother hit Jessie.
She writes that she "hit her
as hard as I could across the face... She sank to the floor sobbing, holding her cheek, her eyes full of hurt & amazement
that I could do that to her.
But I was not finished. I
drew back my arm & brought it down with full force, raining blows wherever they fell, stopping only when I had no strength
left.
p 105
She scrambled away from me...
I followed, screeching after her, 'Show me your arm.'
Jessie obeyed. Then the mother
demanded to know where the drugs were. Jessie complied again & told her.
Then the mother decided to
call her husband. Jessie pleaded with her not to. She started to cry. The mother writes:
She started to cry again,
but it simply made me more resolved. It was okay for me to go thru this, but she wanted to spare Joe the anguish.
"Tough, Jessie, I'm ringing
him."
When the father arrived he
was angry & started to interrogate Jessie some more. Jessie promised she would go back to the detox center. The mother
said sarcastically, "Ask them if they will give you a discount for being a regular."
p 106 She writes
"I knew my sarcasm was not
in any way helpful, but I wanted it to hurt, for her to really feel as bad as I did."
on page 107 the mother writes
that she was concerned about Jessie's clothes being dirty when she went to the detox center.
"If there was ever a time
for unconditional love, this was it. But she got none from me that night."
When the mother was finished
lecturing her, interrogating her, trying to hurt her & control her she said, "I've had enough... ring us when you get
out of detox."
Jessie asked for a kiss &
the mother refused. She said, "I'll kiss you when you get out."
Jessie tried to get a hug
from her but the mother pushed her away, saying "I don't want to kiss you Jess."
Looking back the mother has
some awareness of how hurtful this was as she writes:
Not to kiss Jessie before
her 2 weeks in isolation as she struggled to detox is something I will always regret.
p 109
She talks about going to work
at the school. She writes that she had "not yet tamed" the year 4 students in her class.
p 110
She complains about a mother
who had some trouble getting her daughter to school on time. Thinking that this mother's problems were much worse than anyone
else's she writes "How dare she complain...."
The other mothers were sympathizing with
her, sharing their problems with their own children. Completely absorbed in her own pain the mother thought at the time:
"They didn't know how lucky
they were. How trivial their concerns. I felt like screaming at them all, 'You stupid, self-centered, bitches. Is your child
on heroin? No. Then don't you dare complain."
Another teacher asked what
was wrong, why her voice was hoarse. She didn't tell her what had happened.
p 113. We learn that Jessie
checked herself out of the detox center after just two days. She told her father she hated it there, the room was cramped
& she had to share it. The mother writes:
"How precious of her, I thought.
What exactly had she expected? The Hyatt?"
Jessie had a plan to stay
at a friend's farm. Then this fell through. The mother said "Why don't you go back to the detox center?"
Eventually the mother suggested
that Jess stay at a relative's farm & Jess agreed. The mother would take some time off of teaching & drive her there.
The mother & a friend of hers at school "concocted" a story to explain why she had to take the time off from teaching.
The mother didn't want anyone to know the truth.
The night before she left
she laid awake & thought that her life was supposed to be ordinary & this type of thing was "not supposed" to be happening
to her.
p 121 In thinking about what
she might have done wrong as a mother she writes:
"There are few more definite
indications of parenting failure than heroin addiction."
But still not able to see
what she had done wrong, she writes: "We could not have loved her more."
Then she writes "I could not
have felt more sorry for myself." (Again thinking of herself & not her daughter.)
p 122
About being at the farm the mother
writes:
"I knew Jessie had little
control over when she was able to sleep, but after the first night I insisted that she got up when I did."
p 126 "On Thursday I insisted
we go for a walk." She did this even though she writes that she knew Jess "had no stamina & was far from well."
She said as they walked Jess
was "moaning all the time."
p 128
She says she asked once how
Jessie financed her heroin usage. Jessie replied, "You don't want to know." She said she was never a prostitute, that mostly
she sold drugs. Then she told her mother "Let's just leave it at that." The mother agreed because she really didn't want to
know the details & has never asked again.
p 131 When they got back to
the mother's house, the husband didn't want to talk about any of it.
p 134 The mother talks about
not having many friends she could confide in. She says most of her friends were more conservative than her & tells a story
of one time when her feelings were invalidated (but she doesn't call it that.)
p 134 The mother was feeling
very drained & talked to a drug counselor who recommended she join a support group for parents of addicts. The mother
writes:
"A support group was out of
the question. Jessie wasn't that sort of an addict."
Then she writes:
"In retrospect it was very
good advice. But it was many months before I was prepared to take it."
p 135 She talks about going
to a dinner with some friends & trying to look like there was nothing wrong. She said she wouldn't have gone to the dinner
had her husband thought it was "inappropriate" for her to go, but he thought she should "make an appearance."
p 151 uses the word "appropriate"
again. Also uses the expression "out of the question" again & says of something, " "That is how it should be."
p 152 she decides to go to
a Narcotics Anonymous meeting to get more information about addictions.
p 153 she talks about worrying
what to wear for the NA meeting. She says "I prevaricated about what I should wear."
p 155 she says the NA meeting
was the beginning of her gaining some insight.
p 157 she says Jess had made
"a few half-hearted attempts" at finding work. She said Jess hadn't made the progress that she & her husband had "expected."
p 158 She uses the expressions
"Why couldn't she just get on with it?" & "Wasn't this being overly dramatic?" & "If you're going, you should do it
properly."
p 175 When Jess was in a rehab
program & called to say she was ready to leave because she had learned what she needed to, her mother said, "What nonsense."
Then she attacks & interrogates
her some more.
p 198 Jessie says she feels
like going to bed. Mother says "Well, why don't you?"
The mother writes that she
wanted to make things better for Jessie, just like when she was a little girl, but she realized she couldn't. She writes:
"She had to live thru the
consequences of her decision to use drugs & although we could lovingly support her, essentially it was her own battle
to be endured by her alone."
p 205 Her sister makes a joke
about how terrible Jessie looks in her daggy clothes.
p 215 She lies to Jessie about
not being able to call her uncle & tell him that she doesn't want him to visit her.
p 217 Jessie told her that
she knows all the family thinks she drops out of things when things gets tough. The mother replies: "Darling, that is because
so far you have always done that."
p 224 Jessie is at another
rehab place & the mother writes:
She relied on me to have someone to talk to, as she was isolated
& had no friends. And I desperately needed to know that she was OK at leas t for that day. If she were in good spirits,
I felt in good spirits. If she were miserable, I felt miserable. I couldn't separate her feelings from mine.
(I'd call that a pretty clear
case of co-dependence)
p 225 Jessie calls to tell
the mother that she & her boyfriend Simon have been asked to leave the rehab center. The mother assumed they had been
asked to leave because they were caught using drugs. She interrogates Jessie again in what she describes as a "cold" &
"unsympathetic" voice, saying, "Why, Jessie. Why have you been asked to leave?"
(Note that she uses talks
about being unsympathetic, rather than being unempathetic. Sympathy is more of a pity for someone who is looked down upon.
Also note that the mother virtually never shows empathy for her daughter, nor does she ask how the daughter feels about anything.)
Another example of needlessly
big words:
p 227 "I introduced myself
to the mellifluous male voice..."
p 229 Talks about them having
a big party for her husband's 50th birthday. A marquee on the front lawn, catering & 200 balloons.
Jessie & Simon come for
the party & decide to stay in town.
p 235 pressures her to go
to the doctor even though Jess was protesting "loudly & vehemently"
still commenting on her clothes
saying she was wearing "sloppy old pajamas & ugh boots"
p 236 she says Jess complained
"loudly & rudely" when the doctors tried to pressure her to give them a blood sample & moved her around to examine
her.
p 238 they go back to the hospital. The mother writes that she had told
her "how embarrassing & atrociously rude her behavior had been" the last time.
p 240 The mother is arguing with one of the female doctors. She writes
this about the doctor who wants to give her a blood test:
"You spiteful bitch, I thought.
You never for a moment suggested an examination before. You know it's on her record that she is phobic about needles. How
could you do it?"
p 241 The mother says "Leave
her alone. Don't touch her. We're leaving." Then she takes Jessie & leaves the hospital.
p 242 She talks about writing
a "blistering letter of complaint to the chief executive of the hospital." Most of this page is spent on her attack of the
hospital staff.
p 246 mother goes back on
anti-depressants
p 251 Jess tells her mother
over lunch that she had recently used again. The mother interrogated her a bit, but not as harshly as in the past. She didn't
tell her husband.
p 252 Jessie is still calling
her mother when there is a crisis. This time it is Simon threatening to commit suicide. The mother again tries to solve the
problem. Then she calls her husband & they make plans to fly to where Jessie is. Another example of how they're very reactive
& controlling not allowing her to become independent.
p 255 The mother explains
how the brother & sister started to get impatient with Jessie:
"They were impatient with
her & had had enough of her problems, which seemed to go on endlessly. Sam, especially, lost patience with her & reacted
angrily whenever her name was mentioned. It was deep anger, unresolved from the time she lived with him.
"I didn't blame them. Jess
wasn't good company. There were times when we would all be eating & she would sit morosely, scarcely eating, rarely saying
anything. She was fairly rapidly becoming estranged from both her brother & her sister... They had strong opinions about
what she should do."
She & her son Same got
into an argument and he left "without it being resolved." She says this was their first adult argument.
p 256
She writes:
"I went into the laundry,
shut the door & cried. Was this how heroin addiction pulled families apart? We were at each other's throats. I gave him
time to drive home & then rang him. But he was still to angry & I was too upset for us to get anywhere. I hung up,
feeling no better.
(I'd say it is how lack of
listening, compassion, acceptance and validation pulls families apart)
"That night was one of the
worst. Not only were we dealing with a drug-addicted daughter & trying to get her better, but our family, previously so
close, was falling apart." (They weren't really close at all. It was all appearances &
"I love you, darling"s)
The brother & sister agreed
to try to keep their opinions to themselves. The relationship with Jessie became "polite, but distanced & often strained."
"Jessie was especially hurt
that she seemed excluded from Lucy's pregnancy...She'd initially been asked by Lucy to attend the birth, but it gradually
became clear" that she & her husband didn't want Jessie there. "Jessie felt that deeply."
p 257 She talks about how
Simon was getting worse. She writes:
"Joe & I prevaricated
about how much it was appropriate for us to interfere."
(prevaricated? appropriate?)
She tells us that Simon's
mother had told him that she didn't want to see him until he had solved his drug problems. Jess's mother convinced her to
change her mind & they convinced Simon to move back in with his mother. (Simon is about
29 years old at this point.)
Then she writes that Jessie
was unable to cope with Simon there & unable to cope with him gone.
p 258 Talks about how Lucy
was arguing with her vehemently, telling her not to go to the same rehab center as Simon was going to. Jessie eventually gave
into Lucy.
(So basically the whole family
is trying to run her life.)
p 259 Jess is in another rehab
center. She isn't allowed to come home for Christmas. (In other rehab centers they seem
to all follow the pattern of a lot of controls and isolation. At one place they were not allowed to talk to anyone on the
outside for the first two weeks. Then it was just 10 minutes a day. I have no doubt that this is designed to break the person
down so they will be more obedient and compliant. It let's them know who's the boss.)
p 260 Mother is still attacking her, interrogating her & accusing
her. Jess had called to say she had been asked to leave the rehab center. The mother responded:
"What is it this time? For
fuck's sake, Jessie. How could you blow this opportunity, too."
(One of the rules was no
sex & Jess had slept with Simon when he came to visit. She admitted this & instead of being thanked for her honesty
& given an explanation of why they didn't want the patients having sex, even with their boyfriends, they "asked" her to
leave." It seems to me it is just another way of depriving the people there and making them feel even more helpless, needy
and therefore compliant.)
I kept hoping that I would
see the mother start to acknowledge all the mistakes she made, that she would see how she literally drove her daughter to
drugs and then back to them time and time again. But now I have reached the second to the last page,
page 265. The mother writes:
"What led Jess to use drugs?
The stereotype of the unhappy child, who embraces the drug culture to escape pain, simply doesn't fit.
"For Jessie, I think the answer
is very simple. And for other parents, if I am right, very frightening."
"Jessie experimented with
drugs because it was exciting, different & daring to do so. She enjoyed the way drugs enabled her to alter her mood, feel
relaxed, reach a heightened state of awareness & vary her conscious experience. She persisted because it felt so good.
And then she found it took superhuman strength to stop."
"Is she better?"
"Not yet. She'll never be
cured. She'll always be an addict. She will always be taking it 'a day at a time.'
"And so will we."
Concluding notes
I cried at many points as
I read this story, especially as I read how the mother beat her daughter when she found
out she was using heroin, and when I read that she said "How could you be so stupid?"
The saddest thing to me is that the mother really has no clue how she contributed to her daughter's need for heroin to numb her emotional pain. Or if she doe, she is in deep denial. Because this mother didn't see the connection,
I am afraid other parents will not be helped to see it either. This is why I have taken these notes and added my comments.
When I told a 14 year old
former heroin user about this book and how the mother really didn't know why her daughter used heroin, my friend said, "Did
she ever ask her daughter why she used drugs?"
At no point during the book
does the mother give an example of her asking a question such as this and really listening. It is no mystery to me why Jessie
started using drugs and why she continued to use them even after many trips to the rehab centers.
In the back of the book there
is a glossary. I looked for the word "invalidation" since the mother did so much of it. But it was not there. Instead were
only drug related terms like "bong," "cold turkey," and "shooting up."
These do not help us understand
why Jessie began using heroin. People are not informed of the most important things when they are taught a few terms used
in the drug world. What would be much more educational would be to inform people why drugs are in such high demand.
Her mother never believed
in Jessie. To the very end of the book she labeled her and showed her lack of faith in Jessie. On the last page she said,
"Jessie will always be an addict" I can just hear Jessie saying, "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mum."
Here is an entry I made for my writing I do for teens--
Blaming the child??
I did this book review of a book called Saving
Jessie by a mother in Australia. Her daughter Jessie turned to heroin because her family was so dysfunctional.
The mother tried to make it look like
she was such a good mother, but from reading the book it is easy to see why her daughter needed to numb herself.
Then I get this email from another mother who blames Jessie for "family abuse." This is so backwards. I just had to show this to show you how
some parents turn things around. Here is the email I received:
I don't think you have had first hand experience with this matter before. I know someone very similar to Jessie, who steals from
his own family and always gets away with everything.
You want to give sympathy to people like that and trust them? I don't think so. Aren't they supposed to give respect and trust to you also?
I mean once is enough, not over and over again.
All they want is for you to feel sorry for them. This isn't child abuse but family abuse by the child. Jessie's slap across the face doesn't even come close to the years of emotional torture and abuse given out to the family by their "wayward" child.
Friends and family try to help and give them advice
and they take it and throw it back in their faces. I do have sympathy for these people but I think enough is enough.
This woman has no clue about cause and effect.
Kids and teens aren't "supposed to give respect and trust" - respect and trust are earned by the parents.
This is like saying a girl is "supposed" to like some
random guy no matter how he treats her. What if a guy came up to you, made you live with him, treated you like crap - threatened you, punished you, hit , and told you that you were "supposed to respect and trust him"?
This is not much different than some parents.
Remember, you don't choose your parents. If you did there would be a lot less people on drugs!
source: click here
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by Kathleen Howe
Many times I have thought about being an abused child and refused to believe what I had experienced was half as bad as other stories I had read about. Somewhere deep inside me I didn't want to admit
that my parents who were the two people in the world who were supposed to love me and care for me - would actually abuse me.
Although I had a preconceived picture in my mind, who knows
where I formed it from of what an "abused" child would look like - it wasn't me. My
family didn't live in the poorest part of town, because someplace in my psyche I had determined that you must be "poor" to
be an abused child. I wasn't dressed in second hand clothing that was torn and dirty
either. I was positive in my mind's eye that this is what an abused child would be like.
I wasn't missing any teeth - which in my childhood - I believed whole heartedly that abused child had been always hit in the mouth while they were told
to "shut up." Shut up wasn't allowed to be said in our house.
Our house was always clean and we always had enough food
to eat. My parents both had good jobs and my mother had always sewn our clothes and they were beautiful. My hair was always
perfect and my black patent leather shoes were always shiny because my mother had taught me to use Vaseline and a tissue to
shine them. My parents didn't swear or cuss in our home at all. My mother didn't even drink coffee or tea and she didn't smoke,
although my father did. But it was okay for men to drink coffee and smoke cigarettes, it was just not ladylike at all.
We were spanked when we were bad or sent to our rooms or
we had to sit in a chair. Wasn't everybody spanked as a child? But my father wasn't abusive
because he only used his hand to spank us on our bare butts. We had to lean over his knee and he pulled down our pants and
spanked us pretty hard, but he didn't hit us with a stick, a belt or a whip. So somewhere in my mind I was sure that I was
being raised normally as most children are. My parents drank alcohol, but I don't recall ever seeing them sitting on a street
corner, like an alcoholic, with a bottle of booze in a brown paper bag. Besides all these reasons that my parents were pretty
normal was - they never fought or argued in front of us - EVER!
When I thought of other children I had seen in school before
that had been hit by their parents and had welts on the back of their legs from getting whipped; I cringed and was thankful
that my legs didn't look like that. I didn't want to think that my parents would ever want to hurt me badly so I refused to
believe that anything they did was abusive.
It wasn't until I experience a few things when I was about
twelve years old that made me question the tactics my father was using. I had to believe without a doubt that he was abusive
and as time went by I was putting some things together that made me wonder more about my earlier childhood. I was often in
denial about the abuse. I didn't want to think about it. My mother had begun acting strangely as well. She allowed my father
to do mean things to us and she wouldn't thwart his attempts to physically hurt us anymore. It was every man for himself so
to speak.
My father had the habit of wanting to serve us the meat
when we were eating dinner. We always had to sit at the table together, but things would get rough if anyone expressed any
opinions about anything including the food. One evening I picked up my plate because no one else was at the moment and I held
it up in front of my father so he could place a piece of meat on it. We were having cubed steaks that had been baking in the
yellow Pyrex baking dish that my mother had browned in a skillet, dredged in flour, and then she poured some water in the
skillet then the contents of a Lipton's Onion Soup package until she stirred it all together and placed it in that yellow
dish. She liked that dish for the cubed steaks because it had a clear cover that fit on it perfectly. The steaks would come
out fork tender, plump and dripping in a thick onion gravy! I loved that.
I wasn't paying attention to what my father was doing as
he picked out a piece of meat for me that dinnertime. He spooned it up with gravy and all and reached up to place it on my
plate without dripping on the tablecloth. Instead of placing it on the white Corelle plate, right in the center so I could
slather mashed potatoes and corn on top of it, my own concoction - and then ask for additional gravy after everyone was served...
he kept going with the meat as I saw out of the corner of my eye. His arm stretched just that extra little bit to pass by
my plate and he placed that boiling hot gravy and meat right onto my forearm. I screamed out loud and dropped the plate instantly.
My father told me to, "Shut up!"
He told me that I had better stop crying and if I wanted
to cry that he could think of several things that he could do to me that were good reasons to cry! I had already jumped up
not able to sit still. I was still screaming because I couldn't help it. I jerked my arm once I was up from the table and
the meat flew on the floor. The gravy splattered all over the rug and my father continued to yell at me about making a mess.
He ordered me to sit down at the table and pick up my food off of the floor and eat it. I ran to the kitchen and turned on
the cold water. I ran it over my arm. I watched bubbles, blisters actually, popping up on my skin and I began crying hysterically.
It was just too painful to bear.
I ran to my room crying and held my arm out, but couldn't
stand looking at it. I just rocked on my bed back and forth. I was crying and missing my breaths and sobbing and I just couldn't
sit still it hurt so bad. My mother came into my room and looked at it. She gave me some ice to put on it with a washcloth.
Then she ran back to the dinner table without saying a word to me. I couldn't believe it. She wouldn't take me to the doctor
or hospital. My skin was peeling off in places. I cried until I fell asleep. I woke up so many times all night long and in
the morning, it looked horrible. I went to school with it wrapped in wet paper towels. It hurt so badly.
From that point on I realized that my father was being abusive.
My cousins had been abused by my father's brother and I knew that. It confused me how he could be the nicest person to me
every single time, but he kicked, hit and slapped his own children while verbally berating them with every horrible word he
could think of. I didn't feel that I was over-reacting anymore. At fifty years old I still bear the scars on my forearm from
that night at the dinner table. I still remember the pain and the reaction he had over it all. From then on I realized the
reason my mother wanted us out of the house as much as possible. She didn't want to upset my father. I felt so betrayed but
I wasn't aware of what I was feeling back then. I can say that now. I still do feel betrayed although I don't hate my father.
I just haven't wanted to be with him since I moved out of the house. I have very little contact with him anymore - he has
Altzheimer's. It's a very sad thing.
Child Abuse & Adult Anxiety
From: Cathleen Henning
When the past won't let go
Does anyone else out there have anxiety as a result of being abused as a teenager by a familiar adult? I feel overwhelmed & don't know what to do. I feel guilt, like I caused the abuse. -- Molly1983
If you're an adult survivor of child abuse & also have an anxiety disorder, you aren't alone. People with anxiety disorders are more likely than the general population to have been abused as children.
Anxiety disorders that have been studied in correlation with child abuse have
included more than post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
If you were
abused, it may not be necessarily the cause of your anxiety disorder; however, if you haven't ever faced your abuse with treatment or other support, your past may be affecting your ability to recover from your anxiety disorder.
Abuse
& Anxiety Studies
Several studies have been conducted on child abuse
& anxiety disorders, with a variety of results:
1) Researchers at the University of Michigan found that 35% of victims who had been abused
emotionally, physically or sexually, were prone to major depression & panic disorder as adults.1
2) A study at the University of California found the following 2:
3) Another
study at McMaster University of people with anxiety disorders found that 23.4% had been abused sexually & 44.9% had been abused physically.3
4) In a study at the University of Miami, researchers
found that 63% of people with
panic disorder, agoraphobia &/or social anxiety disorder had experienced some kind of childhood trauma. Of these disorders, social anxiety disorder was most highly linked with sexual &/or physical abuse histories.4
5) Based on numerous studies, University of Nevada researchers found that
33% to 86%
of adult survivors
of child
abuse have post-traumatic stress disorder.5
These statistics
don't mean necessarily that the disorders were caused by the abuse. They do mean that a certain percentage of
people (based
on the study) with anxiety disorders are more likely than the general population to have been abused
as children.
Whether or not
the anxiety disorder was caused by the abuse is still up for debate along with other
theories about the causes of anxiety disorders. The exception would be in the case of PTSD. If you have PTSD & were abused as a child, it's likely that there's a relationship
between the two.
What You Can Do
Dealing with the abuse is going to be
the hardest thing you'll ever do, but it's worth every minute. Don't be a prisoner to the abuse. GET
HELP. Find support. Don't try to deal with this on your own, but deal with it. You have to take control of your life back. It's very scary, but you can do it. - Tkkkk5
If you have an
anxiety disorder & were abused as a child, your treatment plan may need to
be different than that of someone who wasn't abused. Many major mental health organizations, such as the National Institute
of Mental Health (NIMH) & the Anxiety Disorders Association of America (ADAA), recommend cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), medication or a combination of both as the best treatment for most people with anxiety disorders. With CBT, a person learns techniques such as relaxation exercises to help cope with the disorder. Needless to say, these techniques are helpful for many people
with anxiety. In the case of childhood abuse, however,
you may need more than coping techniques for the anxiety.
According to the US Surgeon General, "Very few treatments specifically for adult
survivors of childhood abuse have been studied in randomized controlled trials." Group therapy has been found to be effective with female survivors.
However, the
Surgeon General points out that, "In the practice setting, most psychosocial & pharmacological treatments are tailored
to the primary diagnosis," which would be the anxiety disorder (or
depression, etc.). In other words, it's important for your treatment providers
& you to design the best treatment plan for you as an individual.
If you're an
adult survivor of child abuse &
think you may have a problem with anxiety, you should discuss how you're feeling with your current treatment provider & ask for referrals.
For Children Who Were Broken
by Elia Wise
For Children Who Were Broken
it is very hard
to mend......
Our pain was rarely spoken
and we hid the truth
from friends.
Our parents said they loved us,
but they didn't
act that way.
They broke our hearts and stole our worth,
with the things that they would say.
We wanted them to love us.
We didn't know what
we did
to make them yell at us and hit us,
and wish we weren't their kid.
They'd beat us up and scream at us and blame us
for their lives.
Then they'd hold us close inside their arms
and tell us confusing lies of how they really loved us
--
even though we were BAD,
and how it was OUR fault they hit us,
OUR fault that they were mad.
When days were just beginning
we sometimes prayed
for them to end,
and when the pain kept coming,
we learned to just pretend that we were good
and so were they and
this was just
on of those days ...
tomorrow we'd be friends.
We had to believe it so.
We had nowhere else
to go.
Each day that we pretended,
we replaced reality
with
lies, or dreams,
or angry schemes,
in search of dignity ....
until our lies got bigger than the truth,
and we
had no one real to be
Our bodies were forsaken.
With no safe place
to hide,
we learned to stop
hearing and feeling what they did to our outsides.
We tried to make them love us,
till we hated
ourselves instead,
and couldn't see a way out,
and wished that they were dead.
We scared ourselves by thinking that,
and
scared ourselves to know,
that we were acting just like them --
and might ever more be so.
To be half the size of a grown-up
and trapped
inside their pain....
To every day lose everything
with no savior or refrain...
To wonder how it is possible
that
God could so forget
the worthy child you knew you were,
when you had not been damaged yet ...
To figure on your fingers
that
the years till you'd be grown
enough to leave the torment
and survive away from home,
were more than you could count
to,
or more than you could bear,
was the reality we lived in
and we knew it wasn't fair.
We who grew up broken
are somewhat out of time,
struggling
to mend our childhood,
when our peers are in their prime.
Where others find love
and contentment,
we still often
have to strive
to remember we are worthy,
and heroes just to be alive.
Some of us are healing.
some are stealing.
Most
are passing the anger on.
Some give their lives away to drugs,
or the promise of like beyond.
Some still hide from
society.
Some struggle to belong.
But all of us are wishing
the past would not hold on
so long.
There's a lot of digging down to do
to find
the child within,
to love away the ugly pain
and feel innocence again.
There is forgiveness
worthy of angel's
wings
for remembering those at all,
who abused our sacred childhood
and programmed us to fall.
To seek to understand
them,
and how their pain became our own,
is to risk the ground we stand on
to climb the mountain home.
The journey is not so lonely
as in the past
it s been ...
More of us are strong enough
to let the growth begin.
But while we're trekking
up the mountain
we
need everything we've got,
to face the adults we have become,
and all that we are not.
So when you see us weary
from the day's internal
climb ...
When we find fault
with your best efforts,
or treat imperfection
as purposeful crime ...
When you
see our quick defenses,
our efforts to control,
our readiness to form a plan
of unrealistic goals ...
When we
run into a conflict
and fight to the bitter end,
remember ...
We think that winning means
we won't be hurt again.
When we abandon OUR thoughts
and feelings,
to
be what we believe YOU
want us to,
or look at trouble we re having,
and want to blame it all on you...
When life
calls for new beginnings,
and we fear they re doomed to end,
remember...
Wounded trust is like a wounded knee--
It
is very hard to bend.
Please remember this
when we
are out of sorts.
Tell us the truth, and be our friend.
For children who were broken...
it is very hard to mend.
source: click here
if you've been a victim of abuse....
have you resolved your emotions & feelings that occurred during the abuse or resulted
from the abuse?
maybe you
shouldn't be so hard on yourself
what emotions have you been dealing with or not dealing with? maybe it's time
to explore them...
Emotional abuse of children can lead, in adulthood, to addiction, rage, a severely damaged sense of self & an inability to truly bond with others.
Students & Teachers
What I learned about physical punishment & working with families
Jack Phelan is a child & youth care teacher in Edmonton,
Alberta
I started my Child & Youth Care career
in New York City, in an area known as the lower East side, living in a tenement & working with 10 & 11 year olds in
the day time in a recreational summer program.
I learned a great deal from the youth & families there & I was
lucky enough to realize early on that I needed to listen & learn more than teach.
Rodney was one of these children. He was an 11 year old boy who generally seemed more well
dressed & his mother made a point of meeting me & telling me that I should have high expectations of Rodney & to let
her know if he created any difficulty for me.
Rodney was generally cheerful, but he also liked to complain a bit if he didn’t like the events
of the day or if he felt that he wasn’t getting enough attention. I liked him, but felt that he was a bit spoiled &
not as easy going as he might be.
The other children sometimes got annoyed with him if he tried to boss them around. Rodney was bright & full
of energy & sometimes pushed the limits, but nothing too serious.
I worked with a group of 12 children & we often traveled the subway
system to beaches, parks & other places in NYC. I was always a bit apprehensive about supervising the group on the subways because it was easy to get
off too early or stay on after the rest of us had gotten off, so I worked with my teenage junior counselor to keep a running
count of our charges, being particularly careful to watch the group while the doors were open
at the various subway stops.
One afternoon we were visiting the Brooklyn
Botanical Gardens & Rodney found a frog which he wanted to take home. I told him that he had to leave it in the park.
Rodney got very mad at me.
We got to the subway for the ride home &
we all entered the subway car, but just as the doors were shutting, Rodney stepped
back onto the platform & smiled as we watched him from the moving train. I had to get off at the next stop & return
to the station, leaving all the children with the teenage counselor.
Rodney wasn’t there & after searching for a while I returned to the neighborhood. Rodney
was already there & laughed at his prank.
I was pretty frazzled by this point & told Rodney that he wouldn't be allowed
to come to the group for the rest of the week (2
days) because of this
behavior & that I was going to walk him home to let his mother know about this.
The smile on his face vanished, but he didn’t say anything to me,
just walked along with me to "the projects" where he lived.
We walked up several flights of stairs until we arrived at his apartment.
His mother was home & greeted me with surprise at the door. She asked what was wrong & I said that I'd experienced
some trouble with Rodney today & that he needed to stay out of the program for 2 days until Monday.
Rodney’s mother looked quickly at Rodney, who didn’t react at all & she said to me, "don’t worry, it won’t happen
again." I was about to reply when she grabbed Rodney’s arm & took him inside,
shutting the door behind them.
I stood in the hallway & listened as she repeatedly hit & screamed at her son & he yelled & cried as he was bounced off the walls up & down
the hallway.
I banged on the door for a few minutes, trying to get her to stop &
to let me in.
I cried for Rodney that night
& spent a lot of time thinking about what had happened. When Rodney returned on Monday, I tried to apologize to him, but he acted as if nothing had happened. He & I barely spoke
for the rest of the summer.
I learned many things that year & whenever I'm tempted to use force
to solve a youth’s difficulties with me, I thank Rodney for what I learned
from him.
Violent crimes by girls rising, but the reasons why
remain unclear
The 14-year-old from Milwaukee sits slumped in a plastic chair in a windowless room at
Wisconsin's prison for juvenile girls. With a face absent of emotion, she cocks her head & recounts the time she picked up a bicycle
handlebar & began to beat a girl in her neighborhood. She was 8 & annoyed that the girl shared her name.
“I didn't
care. I didn't feel anything. My mind was someplace else,” said the girl, who fought regularly
until she was arrested for theft & sent to the prison in Union Grove.
“I'll fight
anyone,” she said.
Her attitude has become increasingly typical; say juvenile justice workers, educators
& sociologists who are alarmed at the
rise of girl violence.
Violent crime by boys is more frequent & usually grabs more attention, but violent crime
by girls has risen more dramatically in recent decades, according to statistics.
Overall arrests of girls in Wisconsin
in 2002 were 57% higher than in 1986, while arrests for assault were up 102%; a total of 1,647 cases. For boys in the same
period, overall arrests were up 25%, while assault cases were up 49%.
“There's more fighting among girls,” said Michael Malmstadt, a judge in Milwaukee
County's Children's Court who has worked on juvenile cases for nearly
30 years. “The most prevalent offenses are assault-related disorderly conduct or some sort of battery.”
What's behind the violence among girls isn't clear. Some attribute it to the rise of violence
in pop culture & a distortion of the movement to empower women.
Others say girls have always fought & that what's changed is the way law enforcement handles them. What's clearer is that the juvenile justice system isn't equipped to
provide effective treatment to girls who are being arrested for violent crimes.
Absent in Wisconsin & across the country are court
programs that address female violence. “We have a crisis in the juvenile
justice system,” said Meda Chesney-Lind,
a professor in women's studies at the University of Hawaii, who has written books on female violence. “We're arresting all these girls,
but we're not doing anything to deal with their issues.”
Nationwide problem
Nationwide, the rate of arrests of girls for violent crimes more than doubled between 1987
& 1994. The rate for boys rose during that time as well, but not as substantially. After peaking in the mid-1990's, both
rates have since declined, as has the adult crime rate.
But the decline rate for girls in Wisconsin
is less than 1/2 that for boys. The violent crime arrest rate for juvenile girls nationwide remains more than 50% above the
1980 rate. As many in Wisconsin see it, girl violence is
still on the rise.
“We've seen
7 fights this past school year & 6 involved females,” said Jim
Linstroth, coordinator of Mack Achievement Center, which provides alternative education
for middle & high school students in Racine.
He gave an
interview on a day in May when a female student had
tried to bite off a boy's ear.
“I'm noticing more aggressiveness, more violence in my female students,” said Nola Starling-Ratliff, who has served 10 years as principal
of Racine's Horlick
High School.
One fight at Horlick this year involved a 15-year-old pregnant student. She was jumped at the end of the school year
by a group of girls from a neighboring high school who thought her uppity. During the fight, the group yelled about killing her baby. Despite being
pregnant, the girl planned to retaliate, said Sammy Rangel, a counselor of at-risk youths who escorted the girl home for 3 days.
“She said, 'I'm not
scared of those (expletive). I'll fight all of them.' ”
The scenario came as no surprise to Rangel. Many girl fights spring from petty issues, such as jealousy & gossip, Rangel & others said. Compared with boys, girls fight
more viciously, refusing to break apart even after school officials or police show up.
Afterward, they cling to grudges, they said.
“Boys can
fight & be friends the next day,” said 15-year-old Aimee Linn, who is entering her sophomore year at Riverside High School in Milwaukee.
Linn said she doesn't fight but has witnessed many at school. “With girls, it's more emotional,” Linn said.
“They'll fight again or hold a grudge.”
Kathy Malone, division manager for delinquency &
court services in Milwaukee County's
Dept. of Health & Human Services, agreed.
“It's no
longer unusual to see 2 girls come in, one as the victim, the other as the offender, then see them come in 2 months later
with the roles reversed,” Malone said.
Asserting their power Research shows violent girls often come from troubled homes. Many have been victims
of abuse. But broken homes & abuse are nothing new. What's changed, some say, is girls' attitudes.
“It's being
flipped around. Girls are getting sick of being treated badly,” said 14-year-old Cierra Cunningham of Racine,
who remembers her aunt giving her a talk about the importance of being tough after a male relative hit her in the jaw.
Cierra was among the girls interviewed for this article who said they viewed the rise of
female violence as a sign of women's equality with men. That's the message in the music of some female rappers & a growing
number of violent movies, video games & TV shows.
Movies that
celebrate violent women have become more popular in recent years, paving the way for “Tomb Raider” & “Kill
Bill.”
In the eyes of many adults, violent girls have missed the point of the campaign for women's
equality.
“We've told girls: Stand up for yourself,
you're in charge, don't be a victim,” said Dan Baran, director of Professional Services Group, an
organization that runs youth programs for delinquent & troubled kids in Kenosha, Milwaukee & Racine counties. But
the girls are confusing being assertive with being aggressive.”
Tougher arrest policies But girl violence might not be changing as much as the statistics or anecdotes suggest, Chesney-Lind said. Recent changes to domestic-violence laws across the country require police to
arrest everyone involved in a fight. In many states, that means children as well adults, girls as well as boys.
“It's more
of a rediscovery, girl violence,” Chesney-Lind said. “Girls have always done more fighting than stereotypes acknowledge.”
In the late 1980's, Wisconsin passed a law that requires
police to arrest all adults involved in a violent
domestic dispute. The law doesn't
mention children, but evidence suggests police have increased arrests of children who are involved in these situations.
Most of the girls who land in Milwaukee County Children's Court for assault were arrested for domestic violence, Malmstadt said. Treatment
programs In Wisconsin, most juvenile offenders, male & female alike, don't end up behind bars. Instead, they're placed
in county-run programs that provide residential or after-school treatment & supervision.
Among the most successful in Milwaukee County
is a residential treatment program for boys with histories of chronic criminal behavior. They receive anger management training & other therapy. Another program combines strict supervision
of boys caught carrying guns with group sessions on victim awareness & drug & alcohol issues.
These programs aren't as effective
for girls, whose violence often springs from emotional wounds rather than a lack of accountability, Malone said. She hopes to soon launch therapeutic programs for girls that would focus on relationships
& abuse.
“We're
not meeting the needs of these girls,” Malone said.
Megan Twohey - 25 August 2004
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Leaving The Child Behind. Recovery
From Child Abuse. - By Fatimah Musa
I looked at my father for the last time before he
was finally laid to rest. And I said to myself, "I forgive you father".
I have forgiven him but I have not forgotten
the turmoil, terror and abuse that I went through.
My father was working away most of the time when I was growing up.
But when he was home, he was violent.
I remembered crying in the middle of the night listening to him beating up my
mother. I could hear her sobs. And I wept because I could not do anything about it.
I was terrified of him. We were
not supposed to do any thing wrong according to his terms. When I was six years old he pushed my head so hard onto the floor.
I still have the scar on my forehead.
When my mother was diagnosed with depression, the four of us siblings had to
move and we lived with him. He hired someone to take care of us while he was away at work.
There was so much fear in
us when he was back. My father was so angry with one of my brother’s one day that he turned him upside down and wanted
to throw him off. I watched that episode with horror.
From then on, I tried not to make any mistake. I wept inside
because he did not want to hear any whimper. And I continued watching him vent his anger on the rest of my siblings.
When
my father divorced my mother, I did not know how to feel or react. My mother was back with us but her depression kept relapsing.
We were neglected.
I found solace from friends at school. I enjoyed reading stories and literature. I spent my time
in the school library. There was no home sweet home.
My mother could not take care of me. My father took me away to
live with his new family. It did not work out. I was sent to a welfare home.
I did not deserve to be abandoned but
I was helpless. I was mad with my father. I was not angry with my mother but I just did not understand why she had to be sick.
Until
recently, I did not want to admit that my childhood affected me emotionally and mentally. I have brought the memories of bygone
age along into my daily existence.
In all my relationships, everything went well until my partners suggested on serious
commitments. I would then sabotage the relationships.
I was not able to open up to anyone. I was very defensive when
given any advice or opinion on my attitude and behavior.
When there were arguments, I clamped up or walked off. I never
wanted to face any issues and resolve them.
And I would not cry in front of anyone no matter how sad or hurt I was.
I remembered a time when my sister was badly wounded and hospitalized. I did not want anyone to see me cry. I walked away
and cried my heart out alone in a secluded place.
I excelled in my career by putting in lots of hours and efforts.
Now I realized that it was one way of escaping reality. I kept myself so busy so that I do not notice things that needed attention.
I was using work as a means to avoid commitments.
There was one thing that I gained from the experience of being abandoned.
I was able to sit quietly alone for hours and reflect.
It has developed my fascination on nature’s beauty. I
love the feel of the wind blowing on my face. I enjoy watching the rain falling. And no matter how bad the weather is, it
is still beautiful.
I became curious about many things. I questioned others and myself about life and how some things
happen to certain people. I wondered why people behave the way they do. I looked for the answers.
I have developed
the strength to persevere. But that is not enough. I want to become a survivor who is able to balance her life and enjoy the
abundance that the universe has to offer.
I have decided to break myself free from the shackles of my fragile upbringing.
I promise myself that I will not allow my past to continue ruining my future.
13 Year Old Who Cuts After Father Makes Advances On Her
A 13 year old I was chatting
with told me that she was upset with herself because she didn't tell her social services worker something about her father.
But she also wasn't sure if it was important or not. I asked what it was. She said:
well. this happened like 8 times i would be watching tv in the
dark cause id be watching a film then my d would come in & squash right up next to me basically sitting on me then he
would put his hand on my thigh & rub it up my thigh then up my back then around to my side & hips.
& then like this other thing where he squashed next to me
& put his hand on the opposite side of my face & pushed my face to his mouth & kissed it
Then she added:
but its not very big or anything so i don't know
Not wanting to "over-react,"
I told her it didn't sound too cool to me. Then I asked how she felt when he did it.
scared. upset. afterwards id burst out crying & then cut
myself deep. ashamed worried horrible really sad really frightened
source: click here
teens experiencing
abuse
Study Says 20% of Girls Reported
Abuse by a Date
By ERICA
GOODE
Their faces are far younger than those that appear in public service advertisements about domestic violence. They're too young to drink legally & in many cases, too young to vote.
But a new report suggests that 1 in 5 adolescent girls become the victims of physical or sexual violence or both, in a dating
relationship.
And the experience of such violence, the researchers found, is frequently associated with serious health problems, including
drug abuse, unhealthy weight control practices, risky sexual behavior, teenage pregnancy & suicide attempts.
Of the high school girls, ages 14 to 18, surveyed in the study, about 20% reported that they'd been hit, slapped, shoved
or forced into sexual activity by a dating partner.
Dr. Jay Silverman, an assistant professor of health & social behavior at the Harvard
School of Public Health & the lead author of the report, called the numbers "extremely high."
It appears today in The Journal of the American Medical Association.
"Unfortunately," Dr. Silverman said, "the prevalence estimate isn't surprising
considering what we know about intimate partner violence with adult women."
In a recent national survey, 25% of adult women reported
being the victims of violence by a romantic partner.
Commenting on Dr. Silverman's
study, Esta Soler, the executive director of the Family Violence Prevention Fund in San
Francisco, said: "Those are disturbingly high statistics for young women. Adolescence is such a hard developmental time anyway & young girls feel
so off balance in so many respects that to now learn that violence is such a factor in their lives is very disturbing."
Ms. Soler said the study provided hard data to back up what those who work in the field of domestic violence had suspected for many years.
Dr. Silverman said the findings underscored the need for more prevention programs & services for both the victims & the perpetrators of adolescent abuse.
The researchers analyzed responses to a single question about dating violence in both the 1997 & 1999 versions of
the Massachusetts Youth Risk Behavior Survey, part of a national assessment of public high school students, grades 9 thru
12, in schools across the country.
Students were asked if they'd ever been hurt physically or sexually by a date or someone they were going out with.
They responded by indicating, "No, I wasn't hurt by a date," "Yes, I was hurt physically," "Yes, I was hurt sexually," or "Yes, I was hurt physically & sexually."
The survey, administered in randomly selected classrooms, also included questions about smoking, drinking, thinking about or attempting suicide, sexual intercourse, condom use, pregnancy & unhealthy eating behaviors like laxative abuse or self-induced vomiting.
Of 1,977 high school girls who participated in the survey in 1997, 20.2% said they had been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner. In 1999, 18% of 2,186 girls said they'd been the victims of physical or sexual violence.
In both years, the majority of girls who
reported sexual abuse said they'd also been physically abused.
The study is the most comprehensive to examine dating violence among adolescents & the first to ask adolescents
if they had ever been victims of violence in a dating situation. Previous studies have come up with similar statistics, though
with smaller numbers of subjects & a more restricted focus.
A study by Dr. Ralph
DiClemente & his colleagues at Emory
Univ., which appeared in the journal Pediatrics in May, found that 18%
of 522 black girls from 14 to 18 years old reported having been physically abused by a dating partner
w/in the previous 6 months.
Dr. Silverman said he thought the most striking finding of the new study was the strong link between dating violence & risky behavior.
For example, in the 1999 survey, being the victim of sexual violence by a dating partner was also associated with binge drinking; laxative use or vomiting to lose weight; not using a condom during sexual intercourse; having 3 or more sexual
partners within the previous 3 months & having been pregnant.
Girls who had experienced both physical
& sexual abuse were also more likely to report cocaine, nicotine & alcohol use; unhealthy weight-control practices; suicide attempts; pregnancy & to say that they had first had sexual intercourse when they were younger than 15.
But Dr. Silverman
said it wasn't possible to tell from the study whether such risky behaviors preceded the dating violence or were the result
of the abuse. Other studies, he noted, had found high rates of depression among adult battered women.
"A plausible explanation would be
that adolescent women are also suffering from depression due to the abuse & degradation they have suffered that is making them more vulnerable," he said.
According to estimates by the Justice Department, more than 1.5 million women experience physical or sexual violence by a boyfriend, husband or date each year in the US.
Children from ‘risky families’ suffer serious long-term health consequences, UCLA scientists report
In the 1st study to analyze more than a decade of research showing how a family’s social environment influences
physical & mental health, a team of UCLA scientists found strong evidence that children who grow up in “risky families”
often suffer lifelong health problems, including some of society’s most common serious ailments, such as cancer, heart
disease, hypertension, diabetes, obesity, depression & anxiety disorders, as well as early death.
The UCLA scientists found large numbers of studies that reveal a pattern of serious long-term health consequences for
children who grow up in homes marked by conflict, anger & aggression; that are emotionally cold, unsupportive; & where children’s needs are neglected.
Some diseases don't show up until decades later, while others are evident by adolescence.
“Poor health begins early
in life, as does good health,” said Rena Repetti, associate professor of psychology at UCLA & lead author of the article, in
the current issue of the journal Psychological Bulletin. “Growing up in risky families creates a cascade of risk, beginning
early in life, which puts a child not only at immediate risk, but also at long-term & lifelong risk for a wide variety
of physical & mental health ailments.”
Repetti & her colleagues spent 6 years analyzing more than 500 psychological, medical & biological research
studies & integrated the findings of psychologists, pediatricians, biologists, neuroscientists, social workers & other
scientists. Her co-authors are Shelley Taylor, UCLA professor
of psychology & Teresa Seeman,
UCLA professor of medicine.
While many people separate physical & mental health, research shows that physical & mental health may not be
as separate as is often assumed & that our brains & bodies may be more closely connected, Repetti said.
The research studies reveal that a child’s genetic predispositions interact w/the environment & in risky families,
a child’s genetic risk may be exacerbated. This combination can lead to the faster development of health problems, which
may be more debilitating than they would be in a more nurturing family, Repetti said.
Children who grow up in risky families are also more likely as teenagers & adults to engage in drug & alcohol abuse, smoking, risky sexual behavior & aggressive, anti-social behavior, the UCLA analysis showed.
Many of the studies analyzed provide evidence that teenagers who abuse drugs & engage in risky sex are more likely to have hostile, unsatisfying & non-supportive relationships with
their parents, Repetti said.
“Substance abuse & risky sexual behavior
may help these adolescents compensate for their emotional, social & biological deficiencies,” Repetti said. “Early & promiscuous sexual behavior & substance use may help adolescents manage negative emotions & feel accepted in the absence of adequate emotion coping strategies or social skills. Some of these risky health behaviors, such as substance abuse, self-medicate some of the deficits in brain neurochemistry that
may occur in risky families.
“It may be the kids who are
most lacking in social skills, problem-solving & conflict-management skills who are most likely to turn to substance abuse or risky sexual behavior as a way to gain acceptance,” she said.
“If the family environment was supportive & nurturing all along, they'd be more likely to have the social
skills to gain acceptance by their peers & the ability to regulate their emotions. Healthy families enable children to grow up without the need for risky behavior to address these deficits.”
Children who observe family members responding to conflict by yelling & hitting often grow up without learning the problem-solving
skills that other children learn, Repetti said.
Children who grow up in high-conflict or abusive homes are also much more
vigilant to threats than other children & may overreact to minor threats. That vigilance, which may protect them from dangers at home, can cause them social problems later when
they make hostile attributions to what may be innocent actions by others.
“When they trip over another
child’s foot on the schoolyard, they're ready for a fight because they believe the other child did it on purpose,” Repetti said. “They
make the hostile attribution, while a child who grew up in a less angry & aggressive family is more likely to consider the possibility that it was just an accident. That vigilance & those hostile attributions may get children in trouble in school, but in high-conflict & aggressive homes, vigilance for threat & assuming hostile intent may actually protect them from harm.”
The studies show that in addition to suffering from a wide variety of physical health problems, children from families
marked by conflict & aggression are at an increased risk for behavioral & emotional problems,
including aggression, delinquency, depression, anxiety & suicide, Repetti said. She added that the accumulation of evidence
from many different kinds of studies is “overwhelming.”
Poverty & the descent into poverty often “appear to move parenting in more harsh, punitive & coercive
directions,” Repetti said, although risky families are also found in middle & upper income homes.
Newton, C.
J., Domestic Violence: An Overview.
TherapistFinder.net Mental Health Journal
(http://www.therapistfinder.net/journal/). February, 2001.
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